


So Happy Together

by JetpackingPenguin



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, I'm so sorry, Imagine Me & You AU, No Beta, eddie is alive, flower shop au, we die like men: overconfident and unskilled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27184051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetpackingPenguin/pseuds/JetpackingPenguin
Summary: “Danielle? Danielle, are you listening?” Dani came back to herself. Judy looked at her with bemused concern. “Where were you, honey?”“Sorry, yes, I just...” Dani trailed off again, gaze fixed out the window, and the churchyard outside. A bird landed on a statue of the Virgin Mary before spreading its wings and vanishing into the blue sky, another bird flying alongside it. Free.“Realized you are about to become Mrs. O'Mara?”Dani fought back the wave of dread rising inside her like floodwater. “Yeah.”No.The entire way there, she wanted to scream at them: stop the car, this is a terrible mistake! But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do that. Not to Eddie. Not to Judy.Judy’s face broke into an overwhelming expression of joy, eyes sparkling, and face beaming, and Dani knew she made the right choice.“I can’t wait!”She smoothed down the silk bodice and rested her hands against her rolling stomach. At least one of them was excited.-🌷-The Imagine Me & You AU, Dani and Jamie version
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 363
Kudos: 633





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so LISTEN, I know I have a WIP for Juliantina, but this came to me, and I had to write it. If you're here because you want one of my other works, I ask that you look away. I fell for this couple, and this broke me out of some writer's block. I hope you enjoy it!

“Danielle? Danielle, are you listening?” Dani came back to herself. Judy looked at her with bemused concern. “Where were you, honey?”

“Sorry, yes, I just...” Dani trailed off again, gaze fixed out the window, and the churchyard outside. A bird landed on a statue of the Virgin Mary before spreading its wings and vanishing into the blue sky, another bird flying alongside it. Free.

“Realized you are about to become Mrs. O'Mara?”

Dani fought back the wave of dread rising inside her like floodwater. “Yeah.”

No.

The entire way there, she wanted to scream at them: stop the car, this is a terrible mistake! But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do that. Not to Eddie. Not to Judy.

Judy’s face broke into an overwhelming expression of joy, eyes sparkling, and face beaming, and Dani knew she made the right choice.

“I can’t wait!” 

She smoothed down the silk bodice and rested her hands against her rolling stomach. At least one of them was excited.

-🌷-

Jamie skipped the final step up into the church, half expecting to burst into flames the moment her toe passed the boundary. She couldn’t remember the last time she voluntarily entered a church, only for weddings or occasional funerals. 

Jamie hadn’t even taken two steps inside. A woman appeared at her shoulder, all beaming smiles and scrunched eyes. The middle-aged woman was familiar, the same one who came to her shop for the flower arrangements and then ventured across the street to A Batter Place to order the wedding cake.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” Judy O'Mara almost vibrated in front of her from sheer excitement. For a moment, Jamie wasn’t sure who’s wedding this was.

Jamie hadn’t met the bride or groom yet, just the future mother-in-law. She arranged the whole wedding, bringing swatches of colored fabric to compare against her roses and lilies. Making sure everything was perfect for her little boy’s special day.

“Just checking the arrangements one last time,” Jamie explained. Her hand went to her brown curls and pushed them away from her eyes—a nervous habit. “Everything is in order. Oh, and here’s the bouquet.” She presented the rose combination to the older woman with a flourish.

“Oh, Danielle’s going to love these.” She pulled the flowers from her hand, passing them over to her husband. Then she grasped her free hand with one of hers, squeezing like an old friend. “I almost didn’t recognize you without the coveralls.”

Jamie wasn’t entirely comfortable with the woman’s level of familiarity. Americans. 

“I can scrub up when needed.” 

She took half a step back and looked around. The church was pretty, in the typical Christian sort of way: stained glass windows and a gigantic lifesize crucified Jesus hanging over the altar. Jesus Christ, she hated churches.

Her best roses twisted over a lattice in front of the pews, interwoven with fairy lights. Blooms of reds, pinks, and yellows followed the church and gave life to the otherwise sterile environment. Everything looked good. In place. A proper wedding, for whoever this bloke was and his lady love. Not the most original arrangement, roses, but it's what the customer wants, after all.

“Will you stay for the ceremony?”

“Sure.” Jamie needed to check the reception and make sure everything went smoothly regardless. Plus, she wouldn’t turn down free food during the reception—especially one of Owen’s cakes. A small part of her, the very, very small part, even enjoyed weddings. Loved seeing the brides and how happy they looked. Beautiful, and something Jamie didn’t anticipate. Or want. She lived a nice, boring life. Nice and boring and predictable. “Gotta make sure everything’s in place for the reception. How’s everything on your end?” She asked politely.

Mrs. O’Mara wasn’t listening to her. Her eyes focused on the middle distance, and Jamie saw the beginning of shiny tears.

“Wait until you see Danielle; she looks so beautiful. I always wanted a daughter,” she confessed in a conspiratorial voice. Jamie hadn’t asked. “I only had boys and Danielle, oh she’s such a treasure. And Eddie looks so handsome-”

“Jamie!”

Oh, thank Christ. Jamie turned away from the emotional woman to great this newest guest. She looked down. “What are you wee gremlins doing here?”

“We’re not gremlins! We’re very good children!” 

Flora Wingrave and her older brother Miles both wore their Sunday best, looking altogether more grown-up than they had the last time she saw them, oh a year ago now? They grew like weeds. 

“Tell that to my rose bushes,” Jamie muttered, eyeing Miles with lingering distrust. Yeah, he was just a kid, but those roses were young too. Too young to get butchered to make a shite bouquet. 

“They weren’t your roses! They were the school’s!” Miles defended. She glared.

“Do you know each other?” Mrs. O’Mara stood next to her shoulder, finally composed.

“Miss Jamie was our school’s groundskeeper before Miss Clayton came. Miss Clayton teaches at our school. She’s American,” Flora explained, in the way all children explained things, unprompted and with more details than necessary. “Do you know Miss Clayton, Jamie?”

“No, I’ve never met her. I’m just here for the flowers. I did the flowers.”

“And they look perfectly splendid.” Sometimes kids could be sweet. Not that she wanted any. “Will you sit with us?” Flora inquired. 

And that’s how Jamie ended up sliding into the end of a pew alongside Henry, Miles, and Flora Wingrave. She met Judy’s look in the front row with a small wave. _No, I’m not leaving; yes, I’m here_. 

Bloody clingy, she is. Where did her husband go? She needed someone to keep her grounded, and Jamie wasn’t up for the task. She only got paid for the flowers.

The moment that bride got up to the altar, she’d run to do a final check on the reception. She didn’t fancy sitting here and listening to gushing vows or their priest, pastor, whatever, reading bible verses.

Flora kept up a steady stream of conversation about the new groundskeeper, about Miss Clayton, about the changes at Bly Academy, and about penguins of all things. And everything is just _perfectly splendid,_ Miss Jamie.

Jamie fidgeted with her collar. She preferred her overalls and band tees and cutoff shirts. Not considered church attire, for some reason. 

She wasn’t the only one uncomfortable.

The groom, a man with shaggy hair and round glasses, stood at the front of the room looking like bloody Harry Potter in dress robes. Every few seconds, he looked back at the double doors before moving to fiddle with his cufflinks.

Jamie restlessly looked around the church again. 

The organist started up the wedding march, and everyone stood in unison, facing the doors. _Finally_. Jamie took the opportunity to make her escape.

Jamie power walked alongside the wall, ducking behind columns as she went. She looked left, between a gap in the audience, just as the bride walked down the aisle with Mr. O’Mara.

Their eyes locked and _blimey_. She did a double-take. 

_Keep moving, Jamie_. She hurried out of the church and to the adjoining ceremony hall. She had work to do, not moon over the new bride—bloody amateurish.

Then Jamie spotted what someone did to her roses, and all thoughts of the bride left her mind.

-🌷-

The reception was the usual mess: dancing and copious amounts of wine. More Americans than average, but the wedding and reception were on the smaller side. Jamie weaved through the happy crowd and towards the drinks table.

She stopped short. 

The bride, resplendent in white, stood in front of the punch table. She spun, her back to the juice pitcher. 

“Congratulations.” Jamie couldn’t help how her eyes roved the bride’s face. She was a beautiful woman with soft blue eyes flecked with grey and long blonde hair. And something oddly familiar too. Like they met before, but Jamie knew she would never forget that face.

“Thank you. I- I don’t think- have we met before?”

“Oh, no, sorry. I just delivered my flowers and got invited. I’m Jamie.” She extended her hand. The bride took it, keeping her left hand behind her back.

“Dani. So you're the florist? Your flowers are beautiful.” Beautiful and with excellent taste in flowers. Shame she was taken. And straight, undoubtedly. _Damn it, Jamie_.

“Thanks.” Jamie swallowed the lump in her throat. “So you’re a teacher? Sorry, I just worked at Bly too. Before you, though. I’d remember you.”

“Yeah. Yes. Yep. Fourth grade. Year. Year 5. Sorry, it’s hard to remember sometimes.” The American woman’s awkwardness was utterly endearing.

“Don’t worry your head about it, Poppins.”

“Poppins?”

“You came from a faraway place to mind a bunch of unruly kids? A proper Mary Poppins.”

“I am hardly Mary Poppins.” Dani laughed and blushed, ducking her head.

Jamie made to pass, and Dani stepped in front of her. “Wait.”

“Is something wrong?”

Dani fiddled with her fingers, left hand bare, and in front of her body.

“The ring fell in the punch bowl. It was a little large, but I didn’t want to say anything and then-” Dani raised her hands in surrender.

“Let’s get it out of the drink. Wouldn’t want the diamond to lose its shine, now would we?” Jamie joked.

Jamie thought, for a beautiful second, the pitcher was Sangria. No, only fruit juice with chunks of chopped fruit. Non-alcoholic. A major disappointment. Jamie spotted blueberries, lemon, lime, grapes, and other fruits swirling in the mixture. No wonder the bride had difficulty finding the ring.

“And you tried the ladle? What am I saying? Of course, you have.” Jamie sized up the problem. The ring sank to the bottom. At least her hands were clean.

She took off her white button-up, leaving her in just her lacy white sleeveless undershirt. She pressed the shirt into the bride’s hands.

“Hold this and cover me.”

Jamie rifled around the fruit juice. Absolutely disgusting. What was she even doing? Finally, her fingertip brushed against something hard and distinctly not fruit-like.

“Got it!”

Jamie’s fingers were sticky with fruit juice, but she had the ring, held between her pointer and thumb. A small diamond and white gold band, but glittering still despite the short fruit bath.

“There! Saved your ring from a watery grave.”

“Thank you so much.” Dani almost slumped over in relief. “I didn’t want to imagine telling everyone I lost my ring.”

“Yeah, a bad look for the first day,” Jamie grinned. “Here.”

Jamie held out the ring, and Dani extended her left hand. Jamie slid the ring over her left ring finger. Warmth spread from where her fingers lingered. Dani flinched back, and Jamie came back to herself, dropping the hand like it was a hot potato.

What was she doing? Fruit cocktail covered her fingers, and she probably had it all over her.

“Sorry. Sticky fingers,” Jamie apologized. _Bloody hell, Jamie, you git._

“No, it's fine. I just- I should get back to Eddie. To my husband.” Dani shoved her shirt into her arms. “Thanks again. Bye.”

Jamie watched her hurry away.

-🌷-

Jamie cleaned her arm in the restroom and returned to the party. The reception passed uneventfully, with no more ring saving shenanigans. Jamie spent her time spinning Flora on the dance floor. What a small world.

And after dancing came the speeches. The bride’s mum was five sheets to the wind before the wedding even started, and now leaned heavily against the groom’s brother. She didn’t speak, though Jamie thought that’d liven up the proceedings. And then Judy, the mother-in-law, stood and spoke.

She’d heard it all before. Childhood friends to High school sweethearts. The perfect love story. And when the groom rose and started his spiel about how much he loved Dani and wanted to marry her since he was ten, she believed him. 

Jealousy as green as the Ivy covering Bly Academy’s brick walls curled around her heart.

Nice and boring. She liked her nice and boring life.

Assured the wedding was well in hand, she made her discreet escape, slipping out the back door.

She did her job, and she fully expected never to see these people again.

She was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here's the next chapter. Thank you for the great comments on my last chapter. They brightened up my day. As always, let me know what you think.

Jamie checked on the flowers in the back room, sitting in the sun as preferred. Later on, she’d move them to a better position in front of a trellis so it could grow, but for now, she nurtured it with warm sunlight and moist soil. Like all things, it required love and care. The bell out front jingled merrily, and Jamie hurried to the front.

Jamie froze in the doorway. The same blonde hair, blue eyes, and pink lips. The bride from the wedding. It had to be. She hadn’t noticed her yet, her focus on a pot of lilies. Jamie shook herself and tried to settle into business mode. “Hello.”

Dani, her name is Dani, she recalled, jumped.

“Hi, oh, you scared me.” She held two closed cups close to her chest. 

“I didn’t expect to see you again, Poppins.” She didn’t expect it, but she wasn’t unhappy about it.

“Well, I was just walking by, and then I saw The Leafling and, and I wanted to say thank you. Not just for the flowers but-”

“The ring wrangling?” She grinned. Jamie preoccupied her hands with a nearby arrangement. “Ah, it’s nothing. Practically expected with the job.”

Dani laughed. It was an awkward sound, but it made her lips quirk up. She decided she’d make it her goal to hear it again. Jamie snuck another glance at her. She looked soft in a fuzzy jumper and worn jeans. She looked away before the woman realized she was watching her.

“Oh yeah. I brought you tea.” Jamie turned to face her fully. Dani held out the travel cup in her left hand. “As a thank you.”

Maybe the walk wasn’t so coincidental after all. Jamie wondered why this stranger was bringing her tea, but-

“Well, I won’t turn down free tea.”

Jamie took a small sip and quickly spat it back into the cup. Bloody hell, she was trying to poison her.

“Sorry, I’m not the best at tea.” Poppins took a drink of her tea, somehow able to stomach the bitter swill. “I’ll buy you one? Next door?”

She looked so eager, and Jamie, for one, didn’t understand it. Why was this newlywed visiting The Leafling on a Saturday morning? She raised both eyebrows.

Dani rambled like a freight train running off the tracks. “It’s just- I don’t have many friends. I just moved here, and- have you ever just felt like you’re supposed to know someone?” Dani paused, and the loneliness in her eyes struck Jamie. “Nevermind, that’s silly. I can go. I’ll go.”

Jamie stopped her with a gentle touch on the wrist.

“Nonsense, Poppins. You promised me a cuppa. I’ll show you where to get a proper one.”

-🌷-

-🌷-

Bly Academy was once Bly Manor, a stately red-brick Victorian home turned orphanage after the Great War, turned private school in the 1980s. Thousands of children passed through these halls, and a thousand more would in time.

A weeping willow overlooked the lawns. Long branches trailed through the shallow pond the children called The Lake. Dani’s classroom on the second floor overlooked the willow and The Lake.

Dani liked her classroom. She preferred it over her home, a small place in an up and coming neighborhood in North London. There were too many expectations there. Eddie worked downtown for a financial firm crunching numbers, and when he wasn’t at work, he was at home. And Dani didn’t want to be home.

Marriage was supposed to feel different, wasn’t it? It wasn’t supposed to be the crushing weight of expectation and the exhaustion at the end of the day when she could finally be herself alone in the shower before she fell asleep for the night.

So she slept. And she woke. And she walked: walked to the Academy and made her lesson plans and walked the local park nearby before walking home again. Rinse and repeat.

It was on one walk she found The Leafling. The storefront had large windows with potted plants out front. It felt welcoming. She passed by it for a week, pushing down the curiosity begging her to drop in for a visit.

She wasn’t sure what compelled her to make two cups of tea that morning, leaving while Eddie worked on his computer in the spare room turned study. She wasn’t even sure what she was expecting, really. But she wasn’t expecting Jamie to remember her.

“It’s tea time. I can take a short break.”

Jamie flipped the open sign to closed and ushered her across the street to the local bakery, A Batter Place. Dani tossed the two travel cups into a nearby trash can.

“I know they made your wedding cake, but they also serve a damn good cup of tea,” Jamie said. She held open the door and waited for Dani to enter the shop first.

The smell of fresh bread and hot tea greeted her first, followed by a greeting from a young woman at the register behind the hot pink counter.

Jamie ordered her a new cup of tea and led her over to a table nestled in the corner. 

She slouched back in her seat. What a strange pair they made, a florist dressed in overalls with a flannel button-up thrown on over it, doc marten boots on her feet, and a schoolteacher in a fuzzy pink sweater and dark wash jeans.

Dani looked around the bakery. Judy ordered the cake from them, but she’d never been inside before. The small space was galley shaped and cramped, but cozy. Small wooden tables gathered around the wall of windows like patches of wildflowers in the sun and large squashy armchairs nestled in the corners. 

Inside was warm, where outside was cold and dark, covered in dark grey storm clouds.

It soothed the tangled yarn of feelings inside her chest.

Jamie sat opposite her and pulled her knee to her chest. 

“Do you come here a lot?”

“My friends Owen and Hannah run this place. He’s responsible for the godawful name.”

Dani smiled into her tea.

“So what’s your story, Poppins? What brings a Yankee to Jolly Ole England?” Jamie asked. Despite her posture, Jamie’s attention didn’t waver from her for a second. Dani was the focus of all her attention. Her stomach swooped at the thought.

Dani took a sip of the, admittedly, much better tea. She let the warmth seep into her hands until she felt more like a living person and not just a marionette going about her everyday life. She watched the steam swirl in slow spirals over the drink.

“My story. Well, I was born in Iowa, but I grew up in Stillwater, Ohio. I moved to England, because...because I needed a change.” 

She needed space. But Eddie hadn’t taken the hint, instead he saw it as an ultimatum and proposed.

“And did you get your change?”

“The tea is different. I’m used to it in a pitcher with ice cubes,” she joked. Dani gazed into Jamie’s hazel green eyes and didn’t feel like she needed to play a role. It was strange, they just met, but something about her felt familiar. That inspired her to crack open, just a touch. “I didn’t want a large wedding. Not everyone could make the trip over...” 

Jamie laughed incredulously. “You came to England so you wouldn’t have a large wedding?”

“No. Well, I came here to get a fresh start. But then Eddie followed me and then he proposed and- it’s just better we’re in England. Fewer people to disappoint.” She looked down into her teacup and felt something hot rising behind her eyes.

“That’s one way to do it. I can’t give you people advice, Poppins. Exhausting effort, they are. That’s why I prefer plants. One looks at me the wrong way and,” Jamie made a noise and pantomimed cutting off her head. Dani laughed, a weak, watery sound, and she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed for real. Maybe her wedding, when Jamie first called her Poppins.

“I can’t go around doing that.” She smiled, feeling warmth bloom inside her chest.

Jamie smiled back at her, and Dani didn’t want to lose this moment. Anything to hold onto the moment. This feeling.

“Would you like to come to dinner?” Her hands squeezed around the cup, and she swallowed hard.

Jamie leaned back in her seat and raised a curious eyebrow.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah. Just me and my husband, Eddie. But it could be fun, right?” 

Oh, Dani, what are you thinking? She just met this woman. There was no way she’d come over for dinner—dinner with a literal stranger, who brought her horrible tea. 

Jamie shrugged. “Sure.” 

Dani stared into Jamie’s hazel green eyes. Did she say yes? They blinked at each other.

“Lemme see your phone.”

Dani handed it over and watched Jamie peck out a text message. “There. I texted me, so you have my number. Just give me a time and address. Or ring me. Whatever. I close at seven.”

Jamie stood, and Dani knew their moment was slipping away. She stood with her. “Thank you. For the tea and everything.” 

“You need to stop apologizing for things, Poppins.”

“Sorry- I mean, I will.”

“I mean it. When I come over for dinner, there better not be one apology in sight.”

Jamie flashed her a crooked smile, and Dani’s heart stuttered in her chest.

-🌷-

Eddie prepared sandwiches when she returned to the house midafternoon.

“Did you get what you needed at the school?” Eddie asked the question innocently, but it still made her stomach clench with guilt. She couldn’t tell her new husband she didn’t want to spend time with him.

“Yes.” Dani took off her purse and removed her sweater. “And I ran into someone on the way back. I invited her over for dinner.”

He broke into a toothy grin. “Oh, you made a friend?”

Dani stood beside the island counter and rested against it.

“Yeah, or I’m trying to make a friend.” Dani fiddled with the napkin holder. “Do you remember the florist?”

“No. Mom did all the planning, remember? Was she at the wedding? When did you meet her?”

“During the reception. She, uh, I met her at the drink’s table.” She felt Jamie’s fingers against her skin even after she washed away the stickiness. “Anyway, her name is Jamie. She’s coming over for dinner. I thought it’d be nice to make a friend. Someone we already know. Sort of.”

Eddie slid over the completed sandwich.

“I’m glad you’re making friends. We can make mom’s chicken.”

Dani smiled and took the sandwich. There were worse things than marrying your childhood best friend. Soon she’d settle into this role. She’d feel what she was supposed to feel, instead of this numbness. 

Eddie worked on his sandwich. “What is she like?”

“Beautiful. I mean, her flowers are really beautiful, you know? And she’s really nice. So nice. I just feel- I feel like I’m supposed to get to know her, you know? Have you ever just met someone and felt like they’re supposed to be your friend?”

Eddie peered up at her. “Yes. You.” 

Dani smiled a closed-mouth smile. One day, she’d feel what she was supposed to. She just had to stick it out a little longer. 

-🌷-

Dinner time arrived along with wild butterflies inside her stomach. Nerves, but Dani didn’t understand them. It was just dinner. What is there to be nervous about?

But it wasn’t the sick nerves, like when she got married, but happy nerves—anticipation. 

The doorbell rang. Dani hovered near the kitchen doorway, frozen. Petrified. Like she was on the edge of a diving board ready to spring into the water below.

Eddie flashed an encouraging smile and opened the door.

“Hi. I’m Eddie.”

“Jamie. I did your wedding flowers.” 

Dani’s eyes couldn’t stay in one place, darting from the bouquet in her left hand to her softly curled hair, to the brown jacket and faded Blondie T-shirt. Eddie offered to take her coat, and Jamie took it off, exposing her bare arms. Strong arms, wiry muscles, from gardening. Her mouth went dry. Jamie’s head tilted. “You good, Poppins?”

“Sorry, I don’t know where my head is at.” She hurried over to her, not sure how she should greet her. Eddie solved the dilemma, throwing his arm over her shoulders. Now she didn’t have to worry about giving her a hug or one of those cheek kisses. The thought made her flush.

“What’d I tell you about the apologies, Poppins?” Dani laughed again, too loud, too open, but Jamie smiled at her, and it didn’t matter.

“I got these for you. A housewarming present, or a thank you. Whatever, here’s some flowers.”

She took the bouquet from Jamie’s hands.

“They’re beautiful.” Dani admired the lavender roses. The petals brushed against her nose. They smelled wonderful…for the few seconds before Eddie took them away.

“I’ll put these in a vase. Dani, why don’t you talk while I set the table.”

Eddie dropped a kiss against the side of her head. She fought back the buzzing feeling of wrongness inside her gut.

“Thanks, honey.” 

Then it was just them.

Jamie looked around and whistled.

“So, nice place you’ve got. Swanky.”

Dani looked around her sitting room as well. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. A good place to start a family, Judy said with a smile. As always, the ever-present anxiety gripped her. Not now. Keep focused.

“Eddie works in London's Finance Industry.” 

“That explains it then. I live in a flat just above a pub.” Jamie stuck her hands in her pockets and swayed slightly. “Sometimes, I pretend the drunks are just noisy neighbors.”

“And does it work?”

“Not really.” Dani couldn’t help the smile spreading across her face.

“Thank you again for the flowers. I don’t think it's good business to give away flowers,” Dani teased.

“It’s bad form to show up empty-handed. I can part with a few,” Jamie replied with a crooked grin.

“Come on, let’s eat.” 

Dani impulsively reached down and grasped the other woman’s hand. Warm skin, calloused from years of hard labor, but not unpleasant. Her hands fit so much better than Eddie’s. She dropped them quickly and hurried ahead. 

Jamie could follow her.

-🌷-

Dinner was fun. It reminded her of high school before Eddie asked her out. Back then, they’d stop by Shake Shack and eat after school or when she’d stay for dinner. Anything to avoid her mom.

“This is good. Did you make this?” Jamie asked Eddie. She prodded the chicken with her fork.

“It is a team collaboration,” he smiled. “It’s my mom’s recipe.”

“I cook better than I make tea,” Dani chimed in.

“That’s a low bar, isn’t it?” Jamie smiled gently, teasingly.

Dani giggled, and Eddie looked on in confusion.

“I think her tea is fine,” Eddie defended automatically.

“Love really is blind,” Jamie joked. She looked over the rim of the wineglass at Dani. Warmth filled her body. She squirmed in her seat and swallowed heavily. 

Dinner conversation stayed light until near the end when Eddie asked:

“So what about you, Jamie? Married? Dating?”

“Single. All the dating apps are full of straight girls looking for a fling or couples wanting a threesome.”

“You’re gay?” Dani asked. Her face flushed red. She didn’t mean to blurt that out.

“I’m ecstatic,” Jamie deadpanned. Dani burst into nervous laughter, and Jamie smirked at her. “Yes. I am. That’s not a problem, right?” she challenged.

“N-”

“Of course not,” Eddie cut right over Dani. “My brother Carson is gay.”

“Your groomsman? I had a feeling.” Jamie sipped her wine. “So, to answer your first question, no. I’m not dating, and I’m not looking either. People are just exhausting. I like my plants. Plants give you what you put into them. People don't. I’ve seen the wrong type of love too much to go looking for it.”

“Not all people are like that,” Dani defended.

“The wrong kind of love can really fuck you up. I’ve seen too many people mix up love and possession to feel romantic about things. It’s like weeds. People twist themselves inside you. Burrow in deep, and then you can’t escape, can you?”

“People do, don’t they? Mix up love and possession.” Dani’s throat felt dry. She leaned over the table to better maintain eye contact with the other woman. Her hands rested halfway across the table. “I don’t think that should be possible. I mean, they’re opposites, really. Love and ownership.”

“Yeah.” Jamie’s eyes stared unflinchingly at her. Their fingertips brushed against each other, and Dani felt something shoot from her fingertips to her toes. She gasped wordlessly.

Eddie cleared his throat, and the bubble burst.

“So, dessert?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on twitter @Jetpackingpenguin1


	3. Chapter 3

During dinner, the gathering rain clouds overhead burst open. Water sluiced down the windows in fast rivers, and Eddie urged her to get comfortable while he did the dishes.

Dani found Jamie leaning against the open backdoor, holding an unlit cigarette. 

She jerked her head at the downpour outside. “Aren’t you glad you moved to England? Lovely weather.”

Dani perched against the doorway as well. The neighbor’s houses loomed like dark shapes over the fenced-in yard: a flat lawn with a shabby wooden shed in the back corner.

“It’s nice. Peaceful.”

“You’ve got a lot of room back here. You could start a nice garden. I could recommend some flowers if you like.”

“I’m not much of a green thumb, and Eddie isn’t either.”

“Yeah, he didn’t strike me as a gardener.”

The cigarette dangled from Jamie’s two fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Jamie smelled like fresh flowers and potting soil. None of the cloying smell of smoke and ash. Dani associated the scent with her grandfather. Her memories flashed back to him sitting in his recliner with a tank of oxygen beside him while the emphysema slowly killed him.

“Not anymore, but I keep a pack handy, so I can sneak off when I need to,” she explained, tucking it back into a full pack of cigarettes. She put them in her back pocket.

“Do you do that often?”

“More than I like. Especially when some bloke comes in needing the perfect flower to save his marriage. They always pick roses.”

Dani smiled bemusedly.

“You brought me roses.”

“That’s different. I brought _lavender_ roses. These blokes always order red roses. Marriage in trouble? Order some red roses. Mind you; they’re lovely because I grew them, but still. Not one original thought.”

“What flower would you recommend?”

“Hm.” Jamie leaned her head against the frame. “Depends on the occasion. You can say a lot with flowers.”

“Well, what’s your favorite flower?”

“The moonflower. It’s rare. Bloody hard to grow in England too. Especially with this weather.”

Jamie shivered, and Dani realized her jacket was still inside. She only had on a thin t-shirt.

“Oh, you’re probably freezing.” Dani wasn’t sure what possessed her to do it. She ran her hands up and down Jamie’s goosebump covered arms. She shuddered. Dani stepped closer to warm her up until their toes almost touched. Jamie has beautiful eyes, she thought. Long eyelashes fluttered and revealed green eyes flecked with gold or perhaps just a lighter green shade. A stray brown curl fell across her face, and Dani tucked it behind her ear, trailing her fingertips along Jamie’s cheek.

“Hey.” Dani jumped away, her heart beating like a jackrabbit. Eddie appeared in the doorway. “It’s cold. Come inside before you two freeze.”

-🌷-

-🌷-

“So, how was dinner?”

“Owen, stop pestering her.”

“I just wanted to hear about the dinner she attended with a literal stranger when she could’ve popped ‘round ours.”

“She’s not a stranger.” Jamie rolled her eyes and tossed another frozen dinner into her cart. Owen trailed her with his cart like a chick chasing its mother.

“You met her _once_. That’s a stranger.”

“Don’t you have ingredients to buy?” Jamie asked pointedly.

“I just think it's interesting that you're attending dinner parties. Glancing at your phone all this morning. But fine. Fine. I’ll leave you two, and I’ll get my ingredients. I’ve got plenty of _dough_ to spend.”

Owen twirled the ends of his mustache, looking immeasurably smug.

“Ugh.” Owen disappeared down another aisle, and Jamie rubbed her forehead. “Why did you marry him, Hannah?”

Hannah smiled, looking as perfectly put together ever. The two shouldn’t fit, but somehow they did.

“He’s only winding you up, dear.” Jamie resumed her shopping, tossing several more microwave dinners into the cart. Unlike Owen, Jamie specialized in microwave meals and spaghetti sauce from a jar.

Hannah rested a warm hand on Jamie’s, stopping her in place.

“We’re simply curious about this girl. It’s not like you to warm up to another so quickly.”

“I warmed up to you lot,” she argued.

“And that took _years_. Tell me, what makes Dani Clayton so special?”

“Have you ever felt like you know someone, even though you just met?” She asked. She compared the two brands so she wouldn’t have to look into Hannah’s eyes.

“And is that how you feel?”

“Maybe. Dunno. No, I’m just- no.” Jamie shook her head. Ridiculous.

Jamie couldn’t stop thinking about her—couldn’t stop thinking about the moment they had on her back porch. And it was a moment; she didn’t just imagine that, did she? She shook her head hard.

Hannah read it all over her face.

“Oh, Jamie, dear. She’s straight. Or at the very least, married. And to a man. I don’t think-“

Jamie cut her off and sputtered. “No! I’m not going to- I-” she didn’t know what she was trying to say. She wasn’t trying to break up a marriage. She wasn’t mooning over a married woman. She _wasn’t_.

She broke away from Hannah and sped up her pace. She exited the frozen food aisle. Her cart nearly collided with another.

Jamie swore.

“Jesus! Sorry, I- Poppins?”

Speak of the devil. Her heart beat like a scared rabbit in her chest. 

Dani’s face split into a wide smile. No one should look that good in a turquoise striped turtleneck and fuzzy black coat. Even the ridiculous belt bag over her shoulder looked good. 

“What’re you doing here?” What a stupid question. She was obviously buying groceries. Jamie recovered quickly. “Not buying tea, I hope? You’d just desecrate it.”

Dani fondly rolled her eyes. “Ha ha. No, we’re shopping for dinner.” Right, Eddie was with her. Jamie hardly noticed the man. He sort of blended into the surroundings like a ghost.

“Right, well, thanks for dinner the other night. It was really great.”

“Yeah.”

Jamie’s mouth dried up along with all her words. She’d spent the better half of today thinking about Dani, but now she stood in front of her, she felt paralyzed. They stared at each other, and Jamie didn’t know at all what to say. 

Hannah cut in.

“Hello, my name is Hannah.” She extended her hand, her gold bracelets glinting in the fluorescent lighting overhead, and shook their hands one after the other.

“Dani.” “Eddie.”

“We were just going,” Jamie hedged. She slowly started rolling the cart ahead, eager to make her escape.

“Hannah?” Dani’s head tilted sideways, eyes narrowed. Dani’s lips turned down in a soft, sullen frown that looked out of place on her pretty face. There was a question in her eyes that Jamie didn’t understand.

“So are you two-” Jamie jumped. She forgot about Eddie again. He was just so forgettable in that sweater vest. He looked back and forth between them. Jamie stared at him. “-Together?”

Jamie choked on air and almost burst out laughing. Hannah smiled politely. “Oh no, I’m married. In fact here comes my husband.”

Owen picked that exact time to come wandering down the aisle as well as if he had a beacon for trouble. Owen’s eyes lit up the second he saw Hannah. It was so sweet it made her teeth hurt.

“Hello, lovelies. Did I miss the invitation to the grocery party? And who’re these two?”

Hannah rested against Owen’s body.

“This is Dani and her husband, Eddie.”

Owen’s face split into a gleeful smile that spelled nothing but trouble.

“Oh, the infamous Dani! Hello.”

Jamie glared holes into him.

“My ears burned. What were you lot talking about?”

“Eddie thought Jamie and I were a couple.”

Owen burst into raucous laughter. “No, our dear Jamie loves another.”

It was like someone threw a bucket of ice-cold water down her back.

“Right then! We have shopping. Bye!”

Jamie walked away and pulled Owen’s cart with her other hand.

“What the bloody hell are you playing at?” She hissed at Owen, safe down the bread aisle. Even Hannah looked disapproving.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Don’t play daft. _Jamie loves another?_ What the bloody hell was that?”

“It’s just a joke. What’s the fuss? Unless...” Owen’s dark eyes narrowed at her. “I can’t believe it. You’ve got a crush on her!”

“I do not!”

“A crush on the married woman!”

“Oh, Owen, hush. Jamie, she’s darling.”

“A shame about the married thing.”

Jamie crashed her cart sideline into Owen’s. “Shove off.”

“Owen, stop pestering her. Go make yourself useful and buy the vegetables,” Hannah ordered. Owen raised his hands and wandered off.

Jamie brooded down the aisle while Hannah trailed alongside her, waiting her out.

“I’m not like that,” Jamie muttered. She wasn’t the other woman or someone who’d break up a marriage. Not as if Dani even thought that way about her, regardless. Besides, even if Jamie had a crush, she’d never act on it. Never.

“I know you’re not. And Owen knows it too. And I’m not scolding you, and neither is he. We just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I won’t. I know what I’m doing.” 

She had no idea what she was doing. They stood behind an elderly woman at the only open till. Owen rejoined them in the queue with a variety of fresh vegetables in his cart. “I was thinking about soup tonight; what do you think?” 

“That’s fine, dear.”

He presented a head of kale to Hannah on one knee.

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so _kale_ me maybe?”

Jamie slammed her head against the nearest magazine rack.

“I’m just trying to _produce_ some laughs.”

“Owen, if you don’t shut it-“

“Oh, hi again!”

Bloody hell, not again. Eddie and Dani joined them in the queue, having finished their shopping as well.

“I just realized you’re Owen and Hannah. _The_ Owen and Hannah. Jamie took me to your bakery.”

“Did she now? Jamie, you should’ve introduced us!”

Jamie set the checkout divider between her groceries and the old woman’s and offloaded her groceries onto the conveyor belt. Deep breathes. Owen was her friend. She couldn't beat up Owen.

“I didn’t want to subject her to your puns. Or that thing growing on your face.”

“It’s a mustache. I think I look very distinguished. Don’t I look handsome, Hannah?”

“It looks like a giant caterpillar.”

“Children, please,” Hannah sighed heavily. “What are you two getting up to? Any plans?”

Jamie paid for her mess of frozen dinners and tried not to eavesdrop. She failed miserably.

“Just lesson planning and grading.” 

Jamie paid and let Hannah at the till. She didn’t stray far, slowly reloading her cart.

“Oh, that’s no good. You should go out and do something fun. Bonfire night! The three of us are going to bonfire night next evening. You’re welcome to join us.”

“I don’t know…”

“Yeah, join us, Poppins.” _Jamie, what the hell are you doing?_ It was like a gay demon possessed her. She could hear the words leaving her mouth but could do nothing to stop them.

Dani’s face split into a tremulous smile, and _oh_ , that’s why. Her blonde hair fell messily around her face, hiding her shy smile. “If it’s not any trouble.”

“You have Jamie’s number, and you two can work out the details.”

“Yeah! Text me! Alright, bye.” Jamie spun, and power walked out of the store before her mouth ran away with her again.

Damn it, Owen was right. She has a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit more delayed than I wanted. I had to attend my great grandma's funeral and then my nerves about the election are just wild. It's not as long or as great as I'd like, but I wanted to get something out. Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Jamie waits by her phone. Like some bloody school girl waiting for their crush to ring them back. She waits, and she paces the flower shop, and she rearranges her flower arrangements for lack of anything better to do.

She rechecks her phone. No new messages. She wonders if she should ring up Dani first, but that’s just desperate. They extended the invitation. It’s up to Dani to meet them halfway.

It’s not like it's a date. Just a nice, friendly get together on Bonfire night.

Her mobile pings loudly, and she almost rips the head off a daisy.

Dani. 

Her text is simple, a question of what time and place. Dirt covered fingers smudge the screen as she types out a quick response. Primrose Park, seven-thirty. Dani sends another message, asking if she wants a ride. Jamie types out a fast yes. Jamie has half a second to wonder if she replied too soon before the reply comes in. A single red heart.

She was in trouble.

-🌷-

-🌷-

Eddie parked the car beside the sidewalk in front of The Leafling.

“I’ll get Jamie,” Dani said. She opened the car door and smiled at Jamie through the glass doors. 

Jamie hadn’t noticed her yet, singularly focused on the flowers in front of her. Dani hovered outside the glass doors and watched her work. She had rolled her plaid shirt sleeves up to her elbows and arranged sunflowers in a happy green pot. 

Dani pulled open the door, and Jamie’s head popped up at the happy jingle of the bell. Her face broke into a crooked grin.

“Hello, Poppins. Let me just put these away, and we can get going,” Jamie said. Dani’s eyes swept down Jamie’s retreating form and lingered on back pockets. Dani looked away and around the shop. Flowers covered every inch of the shop, the same as it was the first time she entered.

Dani wasn’t so much a plant killer. She just hadn’t given much thought to plants. Her kids took up the majority of her day. She didn’t think about caring for something else at the end of the day. That’s why all the plants at home are the rubber variety. But there’s something magical about real plants—something that loosens her chest and lets her breathe in, real, deep breaths. Dani touches silky petals, moving down to the almost prickly stem. All this life blossoming under Jamie’s care.

Jamie shook her damp hands to air dry. “Sorry about that. Last minute order.”

“It’s okay.” Dani smiled and felt her cheeks hurt. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah. One thing, though.” Jamie darted over to a nearby pot and returned with a daisy. Jamie’s gaze is sure and steady. It sends something warm down Dani’s body. “As a thank you for the ride.”

“Thank you! But, you don’t have to do that,” Dani murmured. “You don’t need to repay me for the ride.”

Jamie’s shoulders loosened, and she huffed out a laugh. “What’d I say about showing up to things empty-handed, Poppins?”

Jamie tucked it behind her ear, moving strands of long blonde hair with her index finger.

“There. And just for you, mind. I don’t think it’d suit Eddie.”

“No,” Dani laughed. Warmth raced to her face and the tips of her ears. “Let’s get going. I don’t want to miss a moment of bonfire night.”

-🌷-

The fireworks zip overhead before bursting in the night sky like blossoms of color. An enormous bonfire stood in the center of the lawn, at least as tall as a house. Eddie and Owen went off in search of what Owen called substandard gruel, while the ladies were left to hunt out a decent spot.

They wove between the crowds of people, couples holding hands, families with small children, or bored teenagers with their friends. They finally found a place to sit a little bit away from the crowd. It wasn’t the best view, but it was a bench, and seating was in short supply and high demand, as Eddie joked. 

Jamie was pink-cheeked and wore an almost comically oversized bomber jacket. She tucked her hands in her pockets and shivered.

“Dani?”

Dani didn’t realize she was staring at her without saying a word.

“Oh. Uh, yes.” Dani didn’t know what she just said yes to. She hadn’t heard a word either woman said to her.

“Great. This spot should work wonderfully. I’m going to see what’s taking them so long. You two keep our bench,” Hannah ordered.

“I’ll fight ‘em off,” Jamie promised. She gave Hannah a mock salute.

Dani sat down on the freezing bench. Jamie eyed it as well before sitting down gingerly next to her.

“It’s colder than shite out here. Bonfire night everything you hoped for, Poppins?” Jamie smirked sidelong at her.

“I didn’t expect anything, so yes. It’s everything I hoped for.” Dani rubbed her gloved hands together. She didn’t know what she agreed to in the supermarket. “We don’t have bonfire night in the US. But I didn’t want to say no to Hannah. Or you.”

“It’s nothing grand. Just the one night you can stare at a huge fire and freeze your ass off. The flashy bangs are fun. You didn’t feel put on right? I know newlyweds like to keep to themselves and then Hannah asked you here, and then I asked you here, and bloody hell.” Jamie shook her head. “I’m rambling. I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“No, I wanted to come.”

It was better than spending the night home with Eddie. It was harder to pretend there. In public, she could say she didn’t enjoy public displays of affection and shy away from him and still be acceptable. In private, the excuse lost teeth. Whenever she couldn’t shy away from it, she mentally tucked away.

She can feel herself shrinking, contorting into whatever shape he needed so they’d fit together. She’s started losing bits of herself along the way.

Around Jamie, she felt more like herself.

“So long as you’re sure.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Dani continued. She unthinkingly reached down and grasped Jamie’s hand. But she wanted to keep her close. She tightened her hand around Jamie’s. Just two women, two friends, holding hands on a bench.

“I am too.”

Jamie cleared her throat, and Dani disconnected their hands. She looked down at her gloved hands.

“Owen and Hannah seem nice.”

“They are. Bloody pesky, especially Owen, but he grows on you. Like fungus.”

Dani laughed. 

“Hey! The line was a killer!” Eddie sat beside Dani, balancing a carryout tray full of travel cups. Owen sat at the other end of the bench with a box full of hotdogs. Hannah sat down next to Jamie.

“Here’s your substandard meal,” Owen said, passing along hotdogs down the line of people. Eddie handed out the tea. “One day, you should pop ‘round ours. Try some proper British food.”

“Hot dogs don’t seem very British,” Dani commented.

“They’re not, but I  _ relish _ good times with friends.”

Everyone groaned. Overhead more fireworks went off, followed by the oohs and aws of the crowd.

“Would anyone like a little extra with theirs?” Owen asked. He shook a small metal flask he pulled out of his coat pocket.

“Cheers.” 

Owen passed the flask, and Dani handed it to Jamie. Their fingers brushed together. Dani made sure their hands didn’t touch again as she gave it back to Owen. She focused on her hotdog and not the woman beside her. Not the warmth generated from their thighs pressed together.

“Miss Clayton!”

Flora skipped over to their bench; Miles trailed after her. “Oh, and Miss Jamie!” The little girl’s eyes went even rounder and a little starstruck. “Hello!”

Jamie slouched further on the bench. “Can’t bloody escape from you goblins.” She grumbled, but Dani saw a small smile before she hid it behind her cup.

“Hello Flora, are you enjoying your night? Where’s your uncle?”

“Oh, It’s been perfectly splendid, Miss Clayton. Uncle Henry’s somewhere. What a beautiful flower!” Dani reached up and touched the flower still tucked behind her ear. She forgot about it. It’s a wonder it hadn’t fallen out at some point.

“Thank you, Flora.”

“I wish someone would send me flowers.”

“You’re in luck. The Leafling has delivery. Maybe you’ll get your flowers.” Jamie smiled at the little girl, but her face fell when Miles approached as well. “You could always pop ‘round the shop. But don’t bring roses killer over here.”

Owen leaned forward to look across the bench. “Stop picking a fight with a ten-year-old,” he scolded. “We can’t take you anywhere.”

Jamie leaned across Dani’s body and gave her nothing short of a full panic attack. She felt the other woman’s weight on her, felt the warmth radiating off her. She was arguing with Owen, but Dani heard nothing except the rush of blood in her ears.

“Are you okay, Miss Clayton? You look flushed.” Flora was a very observant child. 

Jamie righted herself, but Dani still felt overheated. She loosened the collar of her coat to let in some night air.

Eddie leaned against her side. “Are you okay?”

Eddie’s weight didn’t settle her. It just reminded her of what she didn’t feel with her husband. “Just a little tired,” she lied.

“We can go home?”

She bit down on her lower lip. 

“Would you like to go for a walk, dear?” Hannah asked. She smiled brightly at Dani. “It’s terribly stuffy over here all of a sudden. We can toss the rubbish.” Dani agreed with a grateful smile. “Mind the children,” Hannah told Owen. “We’ll find your uncle after.”

They collected the group’s trash and walked down the pathway to a garbage can.

“Thank you for walking with me.” Dani snuck a sidelong glance at Hannah. The taller woman wore a beautiful red peacoat accented with matching earrings and bracelets that glinted gold with each burst overhead. Her poise and the class she exuded was enviable, even carrying garbage.

“They can get a little overwhelming,” Hannah said kindly. She tossed the garbage away, and they looked back at the group by the bench. The Wingraves were still there. Flora said something to Jamie while Miles looked around bored. Sometime during their walk, Henry Wingrave found them. 

“How do you know the Wingraves?”

“I taught Miles earlier this year. And Flora’s so sweet. She saw I was new and came over to introduce herself.”

“They’re lovely children. They used to visit each Sunday with their parents, before...” Hannah clutched her cross necklace. She ran her thumb over the tiny crucified Jesus. “They don’t come in as often now. Well, they look like they’re adjusting well.”

Dani sighed. “I specialized in grief support, back in Ohio. I think that’s why they put Miles in my class. I don’t know what it’s like to lose two parents, but I know what it’s like to lose one.”

Hannah rested her free hand on Dani’s arm.

They started walking back. 

Mr. Wingrave pushed gently on Flora’s shoulder and they started walking off. “Bye, Miss Clayton!” Flora waved exuberantly.

Dani waved goodbye with a smile. Even Miles gave her a small wave, which was progress from where he was earlier that year.

“I’m hoping we can become friends,” Hannah said. “I’m usually at the bakery if you ever want to pop in for a chat and a biscuit.”

“I will. Thank you,” Dani repeated. The women shared a smile and returned to the bench. 

Eddie and Owen talked about something involving food. Jamie shot her a little crooked grin that sent a shot of something down her spine.

-🌷-

Dani and Eddie spent another ten minutes watching fireworks before they left, claiming fatigue. 

“They seem nice,” Eddie commented once they were in the car. He drummed his fingers on the wheel.

“They are.”

Eddie glanced sideways at her, and his face split into a beaming smile. Dani smiled back and pushed away the weird feeling lingering in her stomach. Something like guilt. 

Her mind flashed to Jamie, and another feeling rose in her. The strange feeling inside her chest, something like glee but also fear, twisting in her stomach and warming her to her toes, but it only happened around Jamie and no one else. Her mind started to wonder if maybe...but no.  _ Don’t think about it.  _

Dani watched the London streets blur past and allowed her mind to wander. She settled back on the memory of Jamie against her.  _ Think of something else. _ She laid down to sleep that night and thought of Jamie again.  _ Please think of something else.  _ She was her last thought before her mind finally settled down into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like nothing really happens in this chapter, and I really have nothing to say here, so here it is. Bon Appétit.


	5. Chapter 5

Dani woke up the morning after bonfire night to lingering images of soft curls and green eyes. The remnants of a hazy dream of Jamie haunts her like a specter. It sticks like a rock in her shoe that she can’t ignore, no matter how hard she tries. She’s halfway through washing her hair in the shower when her mind has an epiphany. What if she’s _homophobic_?

It’s a startling enough thought that she freezes mid lather—the strange feeling inside her chest twists and writhes around Jamie and no one else. Jamie is the only out and proud lesbian she knows.

The thought settles in her stomach like a stone. No. She’s never had an issue with Eddie’s brother Carson. And it isn’t dislike; it’s the opposite, really. It’s- 

The thought is enough to leave her gasping for air in the suddenly too humid shower stall.

The air is too thick, and she can’t breathe; her chest is tightening up-

Dani slams a lid on her thoughts like the lid of a pan on fire.

Days pass and Dani stays busy. Anything to keep the thoughts from her mind.

She did her best not to stare at the little JT in lieu of a picture of Jamie in her contacts list. It wasn’t like they were rabid texters. The longest conversation they’d had was when she asked about Bonfire Night. But she still checked her phone. Regardless, she thought of sending a friendly _hey_ or maybe a flower emoji. Something to reach out. Something to ease the longing inside her chest. But she fought back the urge every time.

_The thing_ , the thing she refused to acknowledge that started to sprout up like a seedling, kept pressing at her. See me, it hissed. You’ve ignored me for too long. Jamie acted like a sun, giving it enough strength to break through at long last.

-🌷-

She sat in her classroom overlooking The Lake, and she gave up on grading a while ago. She fiddled with the pen in her hands, spinning it between her fingers. Maybe she could stop in and buy a cookie from A Batter Place. She promised she would, after all. And if the bakery was across the street from The Leafling, well, that was just coincidence.

Dani made the decision and packed up her bookbag for the night. She's lighter already. Just knowing she’ll be that much closer to Jamie lifts a weight off her shoulders, even as the beginnings of nerves settle into place. It didn’t mean she had to look inside just for a glimpse of Jamie at work. She’d just get her cookies and maybe chat with Hannah. That’s all.

Dani’s almost jogging out of Bly Academy when she runs into, literally runs into, Viola.

“I’m so, so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going,” Dani apologizes.

Viola Lloyd Willoughby is the headmistress of Bly. She has a habit of popping up when you least expect her, like their very own lady of the lake. School staff rooms being what they are, the very first day Dani learned all about her, how she survived a battle with breast cancer, how during the treatment, her husband left her for her sister, and how she came back stronger and with a better wardrobe than ever. It was inspirational. She was also slightly terrifying.

Dani stooped down to pick up her dropped bag and to avoid eye contact for a few moments. Finally, she stood and returned to eye level. Brown eyes met her blue ones.

Viola smiled, and Dani’s struck by how impeccable the other woman always looks. Today’s look included perfectly curled hair and a colorful pantsuit. She laid a hand on Dani’s forearm.

“Miss Clayton, I’m so glad I caught you.” Viola tightens her grip. “Are you attending tomorrow’s match?”

Right, the soccer game. Dani, in her excitement over potential cookies, forgot all about it.

“I’m sure Miles Wingrave will appreciate the support. And of course, we want a strong showing at the match.”

“Of course,” Dani agreed with a smile. She swept past Viola, and out to the grounds. She forgot all about cookies.

-🌷-

  
  


She reminds Eddie about the match at dinner. They sat together with takeout from the nearby restaurant strewn across the table.

Eddie played with his glasses. “That’s tomorrow?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Remember? I have to work overtime tomorrow night.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t remembered. Sometimes she felt so disconnected from her life with Eddie that it was like an entirely foreign thing. Something like weights attached to her ankles and dragging her down, down, down.

She played with her fork and pushed food around her plate.

“I’m sorry. I know we planned on going together, but I can’t miss.”

“I understand. It’s fine, Eddie, really.” It was a relief, but she’d never tell him that. She twisted the wedding ring on her finger.

“Maybe you can invite a friend? What about Jamie?”

Dani felt defensiveness rise. She increased her grip on her fork. “What about Jamie?”

“You said she’s your person, right? Someone you’re supposed to know? Why don’t you ask what she’s doing?”

Dani couldn’t explain the mix of longing inside her as well as the instinct just to run. Fight or flight, but it was always flight.

“I don’t think watching ten-year-olds play soccer is Jamie’s thing,” Dani deflected. She changed the topic and avoided thinking about Jamie for the rest of the night.

-🌷-

-🌷-

Jamie couldn’t believe she was spending a perfectly good Friday night at Bly Academy’s smooth green football pitch. She hadn’t been on these grounds since she quit. The new groundskeeper wasn’t good. She saw patches of grass that the sprinklers overwatered. She didn’t want to imagine her roses.

“You’re here! How perfectly splendid.” Flora tugged on her coat sleeve, the other grasping the daffodils Jamie brought her. “We must get a good spot, close to the front so we can see Miles!”

“I don’t think we’re in danger of not finding a spot,” Jamie muttered. It wasn’t a packed house. 

The pitch was a square patch of grass flanked along one long end by long bleachers. Bly Academy’s team stood at one end of the field in orange kits while their opponent wore green on the opposite side. Lights overhead lit the pitch in the November darkened night. No one watched primary school sports for fun, really, so only parents and a few staff occupied the stands.

Flora pulled harder. “There’s Uncle Henry! Come on!”

Jamie shuffled over to the bleachers and waved at Henry Wingrave. The man spoke to a woman; her long blonde hair pulled up with a ridiculous looking scrunchie. She turned at his wave and-

“Dani?”

Dani wore a faux fur-lined purple coat that clashed horrendously with her orange Bly Academy polo.

“Jamie!” Her face flushed pink to the very tips of her ears. “I didn’t know you’d be here,” she said lamely. 

She hasn’t seen or heard from Dani since bonfire night. But she’d thought of her. Thought of little else since that moment she held her hand, thumb running across the back of hers, and she felt something pass between them. Something that made her wonder for a second if this infatuation wasn’t only one-sided. But nah. There was no way. 

Jamie needed to recalibrate her gaydar. Figure out the difference between _gay_ and _I wish she was gay_. The girl was married. Get over it.

And she needed to respond to Dani. Say something. Don’t just stare at her.

“Flora invited me.” She couldn’t say no to Flora. Flora, who was only seven and motherless, with a somewhat absent uncle and an angry older brother, because what she saw of Miles was all repressed anger like a kettle set to burst any day. It made something inside her ache, like old scar tissue.

“How perfectly splendid,” Flora said. “We can all sit together!”

Jamie let the little girl drag her to the empty spot next to Dani. Every hair on her arms prickled to inhuman awareness at the proximity to the woman. It was going to be a long night.

-🌷-

“How are they doing?” Dani asked. She looked at the field with blank confusion, and Jamie wondered if she even understood the rules.

“Losing.” Jamie lowered her voice and pitched her body closer to Dani. “This team is fucking shite.”

She pretended she didn’t see how Dani shivered. From cold, no doubt.

Dani turned to look at her with wide blue eyes. “You like sports?” 

“Yeah.” Jamie shrugged. The last thing she wanted was to sound like the worst kind of lesbian cliche. What’s next, she wanted to buy a cat and rent a Uhaul? “My older brother, Denny, was into football.”

“I didn’t know you have a brother.”

“It’s not like we’ve had long chats lately, Poppins,” Jamie said with an easy grin. Dani broke eye contact, and Jamie knew she wouldn’t ask about her family again.

That was why she said it. Guilt fluttered in her stomach like the moths circling the lights overhead.

Number Nine slid into Miles with his cleats up. “Jesus, what a wanker.”

A silver-haired woman spun around to glare at her. Jamie raised her hands. Dani gasped, and Jamie looked back onto the field.

“Oh, damn.”

Miles Wingrave did his best impression of John Cena and had Number Nine on the grass in a headlock. Number Nine’s little cleated feet swung wildly and tore out chunks of grass.

After that, absolute chaos.

“Miles, no!” Flora shrieked. The refs blew on their whistles and ran over to break the boys apart. Both teams dogpiled on the two, so it became a miniature brawl. Dani hurried out to the field and Jamie followed.

They pulled Miles out of the mix. The ten-year-old sported the beginnings of a black eye and a bloody lip.

After a million and one red cards, the referees called the match then and there. 

Henry and Flora Wingrave retreated up to the school with Miles, the coach, and the headmistress, leaving Jamie and Dani by themselves once again.

“Well, that was a hell of a lot more exciting than expected.”

Dani stared off into the distance at Bly Academy. Her forehead wrinkled, and she saw the cogs spinning in her mind.

“Oi, Poppins.” Jamie rested a careful hand on Dani’s elbow. Dani jerked back. “You alright?”

“Sorry. I’m just-“ She rubbed her eyes.

Jamie pursed her lips. She wouldn’t lie and tell her it was alright. Miles probably needed therapy. She didn’t like the sad look on Dani’s face. The invite slipped out without thought:

“After all that, I think I fancy a little boredom. Want to grab a pint?”

-🌷-

She couldn’t help but see the message Poppins typed on her phone and sent her husband: I’m getting drinks with coworkers after the match. Tried to ignore the way the lie sat in her stomach like she was doing something wrong.

The walk from Bly to the pub was dreadfully short, and it wasn’t good form to have a pub so close to a primary school. 

“Mine’s there. That window,” Jamie pointed out the dark window over the pub. “Home sweet home. Come on, let’s get a spot.”

They sat together at the back table near the back exit, knees brushing and fingers stained in salt and grease from the basket of thick-cut chips. Dani took a long swig of the bitter ale, wincing slightly.

“Would you like something else?” Jamie asked. She took a swig of her ale and resisted a similar wince. 

Dani tilted the rest of the mug back and finished it, looking defiantly at her. Point taken.

Jamie never considered herself girly. Growing up, girliness was a sign of weakness. Better to be seen as one of the boys. Act tough and never let them see you cry. But something fluttered in her chest, and it’s an all too soft and all too fragile feeling. It’s girlish in the worst way.

She orders another ale and tries to drown it. 

Dani’s face is adorably flushed, and her smiles are broad and unguarded after two drinks. 

“Tell me about flowers,” she says suddenly.

“What about them?”

“What’s the worst bouquet you ever made?”

“It wasn’t even a bouquet. Some bloke came in and needed I’m a fucking prick makeup flowers. So I go through the usual: you want a dozen red roses? And he’s like, doesn’t a red rose mean fidelity? So I say, Yeah, it does, mate. You want a dozen? Then he says, nah, I can’t claim fidelity. He ended up buying a fucking _cactus_.”

Dani snorted, and the sound shouldn’t be endearing. 

“Imagine that: a prick for a prick.”

Dani guffawed and there’s something warm and happy in her chest. She leaned forward and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “What does a cactus mean?”

“Chastity and abstinence from physical contact, which is damn ironic in this case.”

“How do you know all this stuff?”

“I grow ‘em and sell ‘em, Poppins. I don’t know all of them, but enough to sell an arrangement. There’s a lot you can say with flowers.”

“Like what?”

“Lots!” 

“Well then tell me something! Something with flowers.”

Jamie flounders for a moment. 

“I’m not an expert.”

“You’re a _florist._ ” The two started laughing and couldn’t stop. Jamie clutched at a growing stitch in her side. “Jay-mie,” Dani whined.

“Okay, okay. Relentless, aren’t you? Hmm, what about this? The Azalea. It means: may you achieve financial security.”

“That’s not true.”

“I swear it is. If you don’t like my examples, then ask for something.”

“Fine.” Dani paused in thought for a long moment. So long that Jamie worried she’d ask about lavender roses, and wasn't that a horrible thought? “I can’t think of a flower right now but don’t think this gets you off the hook. I’ll get back to you.”

-🌷-

She’s pleasantly buzzed from the alcohol warming her veins. The tension seeped out of Dani’s body as well, and she leaned into her. They’ve locked arms and walk like a four-legged creature down the residential street. 

“I’ve got one!” Dani pointed a triumphant finger in the air. Jamie looked up at the inky black sky.

“Got what?”

“What does the lily mean?” Oh, she was back onto that, then.

“Lilies? Why do you want to know about lilies?” she hedged. They’re almost to Dani’s home, right at the end of the street with that black sedan in the driveway.

“I like lilies, and you have to tell me.”

“There’s a lot of lilies out there, Poppins. Calla lilies, Tiger Lilies-”

“Tiger Lily, like in Peter Pan!” Then Dani’s voice dropped a pitch lower and in the worst imitation of a cockney accent Jamie had ever heard. “Wha’sa Tiga’ Lily mean?”

Jamie fought off a ridiculous smile. 

They’ve reached the steps to the front door and stand under the flickering porch light. Jamie heaved a great sigh and disentangled from Dani. “It means I dare you to love me.”

The words sit heavy on her tongue afterward, lingering like bad-tasting medicine. Jamie stared deep into those blue eyes. Bluer than the bluest of skies. She felt dizzy, a rush of euphoria mixed with the buzz from the alcohol. Her lips felt dry, and she wetted them with her tongue. Dani’s eyes dropped to her lips.

Dani leaned closer and closer. Their noses bumped, and the blue was almost all black now, just a thin band around huge pupils. Jamie could taste her breath on her lips and she _wanted_.

A yowl, like two cats fighting, carried from the small alley between the houses. The two sprang apart. Jamie’s heart pounded inside her skull.

What was she _doing_? Dani didn’t know her, and she didn’t know Dani. This was absolutely mad.

“Eddie’s probably waiting up for you,” she prompted. She took a step back, then another. “See you ‘round, Poppins.”

Jamie fled. She didn’t see Dani’s eyes follow her until was out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie, I struggled a little with this chapter. I knew what I wanted to happen but actually getting out words that sounded decent was difficult. All my writers know how that is lol. Anyway, leave me a review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me Barney the Dinosaur because these are some purple prose!

“I’ve got a problem.”

She burst through and almost hit Owen with the door.

“Where’s the fire?” He cracked a smile she did not return. 

“You were right, Owen. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

She ran her hands through her hair and felt her pulse in her fingertips. Owen took a good look at her: “Right, this calls for tea. Hannah, darling?”

Hannah smiled at Jamie, and Jamie felt seconds away from vibrating apart.

“Come along, Jamie, dear, upstairs.” 

Hannah and Owen’s flat is a split level with a wrought iron spiral staircase leading up to the bedroom and rooftop balcony beyond. 

Jamie skipped a few steps up the stairs, passed quickly through the bedroom, and burst out onto the rooftop. The night air slapped her face, but she didn’t feel right. She fumbled with her full packet of cigarettes.

Something to do. Something _normal_.

She realized too late that she didn’t have a lighter. Damn it to fucking hell.

She spots a flickering candle resting on the bistro table, as well as two empty wine glasses. The realization washed over her that she interrupted their evening. Another thing she’s fucked up. She has half a second to feel guilty before she sticks the end of her cigarette into the flickering flame, igniting the end.

She takes a deep drag and feels that old familiar burn in her lungs. She can feel the nicotine entering her system, and the constant shake leaves her hands. Inhale and exhale. Look at the London skyline and calm the fuck down.

Owen and Hannah entered the balcony. He piled the used glassware to one side of the bistro table while she set down tea and a plate of biscuits in the center of the table.

“Do you want to sit?” She asked. “Come have some tea.”

Jamie shook her head. She started pacing the length of the rooftop.

“Things were going too fucking smoothly. I told you, Owen. Too fucking well.” It all started with that damn wedding. Good business. Just good business. Until the bride up and offered her the worst damn cup of tea she’d ever had, along with her too pretty smiles and big blue eyes.

Jamie balanced the cigarette between her lips, breathing deep the smoke. She’s already smoked half the cigarette. Maybe it’s time for another. Hannah snatched the pack from her hands before she can even blink.

“Oi!”

“You’ve done so well to quit, and I won’t see you backslide on account of whatever this is.”

“I need a smoke.”

“And you still have one. Now, tell us what’s wrong.”

Jamie’s hands resume their shaking, and she’s tapping the railing with her cigarette and sending ash over the edge. 

“Dani tried to kiss me.”

Just saying the words is enough to make her inhale the cigarette, and she starts coughing like some first-timer.

She drops down into the nearest chair.

Owen’s eyes are kind as he slides the full teacup down in front of her. Hannah retreated into the bedroom and returned with a knitted red blanket. She wrapped it around Jamie’s shoulders, and Jamie knew how much Hannah hates the smell of smoke, and it’ll linger _forever_ on this blanket, but she still gave it to her, and now this pressure is building up hot and painful behind her eyes. _Christ_.

She tells them everything. About the coincidence of ending up at a child’s football match together. The drinks and easy conversation, the weight of Dani's gaze, how this crush doesn’t seem so one-sided anymore, and how she feels like a trap got sprung. She’s a mouse with the trap suffocating her under its spring-loaded weight. She’s the mouse in the glue that can’t escape. 

Jamie’s shaking still. She finishes the cigarette, and she desperately wants another. This feeling is too big for her chest, and Dani is _married_ , and what a cock-up.

“What do I do?”

She grabbed one of Owen’s biscuits and shoved it whole in her mouth. She chewed on the cold biscuit, leftovers from the bakery, and almost choked. If she couldn’t smoke, then she’d at least eat.

Hannah stirred her tea and gently tapped her spoon against the lip. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t want to be a homewrecker, that’s for damn sure.” She wasn’t her mother. Her beautiful mother and her baby brother who looked nothing like her or her older brother. “And I don’t want to get jerked around.”

“It’s possible Dani doesn’t know what she wants,” Hannah said kindly.

“Well, she needs to figure it out, then!” Jamie exploded. She breathed sharply through her nose. “I think she’s lonely. No, I _know_ she’s lonely. But I don’t know if she just wants someone or if she-” _wants me._

Jamie scrubbed her hands up and down her face.

She liked Dani. A hell of a lot more than she should after, what, a few short conversations? She hadn’t even known her that long. She’d be fine; she was like a cat that always landed on her feet. She only needed space to get her head back on straight, even though fate seemed to throw them together at every turn.

“Why don’t you kip for the night on the pullout? A good breakfast in the morning makes everything better,” Owen offered. She could hug him. “Now drink your tea. I made it especially for you. It’s got enough alcohol in it to breath fire.”

-🌷-

-🌷-

Dani crawled into bed, and Eddie immediately rolled over. He tossed a heavy arm over her stomach, and Dani fought off the urge to push him off.

“Hey. How was it?”

“Good. Go back to sleep.”

Eddie rolled onto his back and resumed snoring. She edges away from him to the very edge of the bed. She’s cold, but she doesn’t want a blanket. She doesn’t deserve one.

The thin yellow light from the streetlights outside slips through a crack in the curtain and casts a long strip across Eddie’s body. 

She almost kissed Jamie. She. Almost. Kissed. Jamie.

She’s married. Her husband is right next to her. What is she doing?

In the dark and with Eddie’s slumbering form beside her, Dani tries soul searching. It’s just her and her thoughts now, and she’s tired of running from her mind.

She states unseeingly at the opposite wall.

A large part of her that she ignored for many, many years always gravitated towards women. She’s always felt more nervous and self-conscious around women than she ever did around men. And maybe-

Dani’s face flushes and her stomach turns, and she feels nauseous all of a sudden. Maybe she’s just lonely. Perhaps she needs more friends. Jamie’s her only friend, and maybe she’s clinging so tightly that she’s getting _confused_.

She nods to herself.

She’ll go tomorrow to A Batter Place and meet Hannah. The older woman was kind to her. She’ll make other friends, and then this loneliness and unhappiness in her marriage will fade away. Maybe this _hunger_ \- aching and all-consuming and just for Jamie - would fade away.

She rolls over and flips her pillow so it’s cool against her cheek. Tomorrow. And everything will go back to normal.

-🌷-

“Dani! I was wondering when you’d stop by for a visit.”

Hannah led her to a sun covered table in front of the bakery windows and swept off to get refreshments. Dani chose the chair with her back to the door (and The Leafling) and tapped her fingers against the faux wood surface.

Nothing changed since the last time she was here with Jamie. Same hot pink countertop and friendly barista at the till. A man with a shiny bald patch reads a paperback in the back corner, and a college-aged student is feverishly typing away on the laptop plugged into the outlet in the wall.

Outside foot traffic bustled as Londoners spent an uncharacteristically sunny Saturday afternoon outside. She turns her head to follow the flow of traffic but stops herself. No. Don’t look at The Leafling.

Hannah returned a second later with two cups of tea and a small plate of scones balanced in the crook of her elbow.

“Oh, don’t get up. I’ve got it. Bused a lot of tables in uni,” she said with a kind smile. Dani helps her set the plate down and accepts the travel cup with a smile and thank you.

“So, how are things with you?”

It’s like she’s known Hannah for far longer than she has. The woman has a way about her of making you feel immediately at ease. It felt like she was an old friend, and not that Dani was some random American transplant.

Dani is almost twenty-seven, but she thinks, childishly, that she wants to be like Hannah when she’s a real adult.

They chat for a while, and Dani feels the tangled mess in her chest loosen incrementally.

Hannah stifles a yawn behind her hand. “I’m sorry. I swear I’m not bored with you. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I have trouble sleeping too sometimes.” 

Her mind raced at night and ran through everything that happened during the day and what she should have said or done differently. Lately, her nighttime wonderings centered around one person.

“And how’s your husband, Eddie, wasn’t it?”

And just like that, the air goes out of her balloon.

“Eddie’s doing fine. He's great. We’re great.” She grimaces behind her travel cup. _Why don’t you say great again, Dani?_

“You two are newlyweds, but have you been together long?”

“I’ve known him since elementary school. We’ve been together since we were ten.”

She’d seen all sides of Eddie. The first day he got his glasses, and when hair started growing on his top lip. When the boyish features began to mature, her best friend suddenly was a teenager, and his eyes followed her everywhere she went. She missed young Eddie. The little boy she’d ride bikes with around the neighborhood and eat dinners with when her mom was too hungover or drunk to care.

Hannah holds her cup up. Both eyebrows rose to her shaved hairline. “That’s a long time.”

“I mean, we weren’t _dating_ , _dating_ at ten, but that’s when Eddie counts it.” Dani fiddled with the heat guard around the cup. “I dared him to kiss me.” She wanted to understand why the other girls in her class giggled over boys and swooned over the thought of holding hands and exchanging pecks, and she felt _nothing_. The idea of some boy sweating on her, huffing bad breath in her mouth made her nauseous. But she needed to know. Dani laughs a little at the memory. “It was a horrible kiss. But since then, Eddie’s always considered me his girlfriend.”

That was the day that bound them together. All because of a bet. Dani gulped a large mouthful of tea.

“And you never broke up once?”

“Nope.” Dani pops the p. Eddie was always there, and it was just inevitable. People always teased they’d get married someday, like some kind of early years Taylor Swift song. Why fight it? She never had the chance to explore - never figure out what she wanted or _who_ she wanted. 

Now, she’s wondering if she lost something just to find someone who cared about her.

Hannah’s eyes are soft and kind, and Dani wondered if she had mind-reading abilities somehow because she feels so _seen_. It’s uncomfortable and makes sweat bead on her forehead, and she changed the subject.

“You said you waitressed in college,” Dani’s grasping at straws. “Where did you go to school?”

“The University of Surrey. I majored in business. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it, but it worked out nicely. Now I manage the business side of things, and Owen can focus on his first love: cooking.”

“It’s great that you complement each other like that.” It was enviable.

“And you?”

“I went to Ohio State and studied education. I knew I wanted to work with kids.”

“Do you want children?”

Dani took a bite of scone to avoid the question for a moment. Judy kept hounding her about future grandchildren, but the thought of carrying Eddie’s baby set something queasy in her stomach. It must have shown on her face because Hannah shook her head. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re a woman with a career. It’s a silly thing to even ask of you. I feel like a fraud of a feminist all of a sudden.”

Dani is smiling now. “Really, it’s fine.” She lets Hannah change the subject.

They chat and talk for a while longer. They exchanged numbers and promised to meet again soon, and Dani felt bright and happy on her way home. 

It’s on her walk back that she realizes she never thought of kissing Hannah. Hannah is beautiful and graceful, but she only felt friendliness. She didn’t stare at Hannah’s profile, and she didn’t wonder what it would be like to touch her. It was different with Jamie.

-🌷-

Dani arrived back home, set her keys on the side table, and hung up her purse on the coat rack. Eddie smiles bright and happy at her with his laptop perched on the arm of his chair.

Dani sits beside him and pulls out her stack of ‘to grade’ papers from her school bag. She sets them on the breakfast tray she bought specifically for grading, resting it over her lap.

The homework isn’t gripping, and it isn’t long before her mind begins to wander again.

Her feelings around Hannah and the happiness of companionship were nothing like what she felt for Jamie.

Dani uncapped her red pen and hovered over the homework in front of her.

This isn’t the first time she’s felt this way, either. The memory comes back to her suddenly. She remembers sitting in English class in middle school. She was so self-conscious every time she spoke with her seatmate. Katie. She could still remember her name, even after all this time. And then the friends she had in school. She clung so tight to them but never felt close enough. She remembers the burn of jealousy as they each got boyfriends, even as Eddie’s arm sat heavily on her shoulders. At the time, she thought it was because they’d spend less time with her. It was selfishness. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Every interaction she ever had with a girl set her on fire while she felt nothing for boys. She didn’t care about boys, except Eddie, who she adored but didn’t feel any excitement around. He was her best friend, but she didn’t get butterflies in her stomach, and her pulse didn’t race around him. 

Not like around Jamie.

She’s attracted to Jamie. The thought hits her with the force of a bus. She wanted to kiss Jamie, to touch Jamie because she-

She’s-

Bi? But that doesn’t feel right. Gay. She’s gay. Or at least gay leaning - very, very leaning. 

But that didn’t matter. She was married to Eddie. Sweet Eddie, who proposed to her when they were ten because he thought kissing was how you got girls pregnant. Eddie, who was always by her side. Eddie, who wouldn’t stop asking her out.

Her eyes fell on her left hand and the platinum band and glittering diamond.

It didn’t matter if she was...like that. She made a promise to Eddie. Eddie loved her, even if she couldn’t...

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be friends with Jamie, right?

She now knew her heart. She _knew_ now, and she could keep an eye on it. She could control her emotions. But she didn’t want to imagine living so close to Jamie without her in her life. Without Jamie’s crooked smile and wry wit.

They could be friends, she decided. She needed to apologize for earlier - for almost kissing her friend. And she knew how to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a beta for this fic. I'm not sure if I mentioned that before, so this is all me. Let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for the delay. This chapter took forever and a day to write. Don't ask me why. As always, make sure to comment, since I require constant feedback and approval for my self-esteem.

Dani smoothed a hand down her floral skirt and regripped the coffee cup in her hand.

'The Leafling'.

Outside it looked like it always had. Same potted plants out front. Same banner overhead boasting fresh flowers, custom arrangements, and bouquets.

Dani’s stomach twisted, her intestines felt like live snakes. She felt like she was vibrating.

She shouldered open the door and cradled her two travel cups.

Time to face the music.

-🌷-

-🌷-

Dani showed up with two travel mugs of coffee this time. A hesitant smile crossed her face. Not a comfortable smile, like the kind they shared walking back to her house after the pub. For each step forward, Jamie felt like that took a thousand steps backward.

“You didn’t make this yourself, did you, Poppins?” Jamie stalled, anything to put off an inevitable conversation. Dani shook her head, and Jamie chanced a sip.

The bitterness bit her tongue. Maybe it was good coffee, but Jamie was never a coffee drinker. She swallowed painfully and focused on Dani instead.

She wore a floral pencil skirt and a pretty lilac colored blouse. It shouldn’t be such an attractive look, but Jamie thought there wasn’t anything Dani _wouldn't_ look good in. She’d look especially good in nothing.

She took another drink in penance.

“What brings you here this side of the AM?” Jamie sets the cup on the counter and wonders if she could accidentally knock it into the bin. Maybe once she left.

“I wanted to bring you this before I go to work.” Dani fidgeted with her cup. She won’t make eye contact with her. “I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to see me again if you don’t want to. But I have to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For how we left things. It was-” awkward, uncomfortable “-wrong.”

And Jamie wanted to press - why was it wrong, what is going on in that pretty head - but it’s too early for that level of bravery.

Dani’s shoulders stiffened, but she raised her eyes and made steady eye contact. Those blue eyes bored into hers.

“I want to start new.”

She sounded sure of herself for the first time that morning. It was reassuring. Jamie leaned against the counter and gnawed her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Alright, then. A fresh start.”

Dani smiled, bright as can be, and Jamie smiled back because it’s hard to do anything else in her presence. Jamie extended her hand: “Jamie Taylor.”

“Dani Clayton.”

They shook hands, and Jamie felt like turning a new page in a book. Like the promise of her first days on the outside.

Jamie much prefers Dani's shy smiles over that scared look. Dani looks at her wrist and the pretty pearl watch wrapped around her delicate wrist.

“I need to go.”

“Can’t let the lunatics run the asylum,” Jamie agreed with a nod.

“I’ll see you.”

“See you.”

Dani exited the shop, and Jamie watched disappear into the crowd.

-🌷-

Jamie isn’t one to believe in fate or anything like that, but somehow Dani just fell into place. Now that they have permission to be friends, things become easier, if that’s really a thing.

Dani shows up at three-thirty in the shop the same day they agree to start over.

“Have a good day, Poppins?”

Dani ruffles her hair with her free hand. “Long one.”

Her hair flutters down around her shoulders in soft golden waves. She does look tired but still too pretty. Jamie kicked the rolling chair behind the counter in her direction.

“You look dead on your feet. Sit. Take a load off.”

“Thank you.” Dani sits down opposite her. The silence between them should be bloody awkward, she thinks, but it isn’t. Jamie nestles another long-stemmed lavender into the bouquet. Comfortable silence. “How was your day?”

And thus began a new pattern. 

Jamie didn’t understand why Dani showed up at her flower shop. But the next day, she showed up after three, and then the next. First with tea from Owen and Hannah’s, and then the next empty-handed as she sat on the spare chair from behind the counter until Dani inevitably took her leave around four-thirty. 

Jamie doesn’t know what Dani saw in her. She’s not self-deprecating, no more than the average person, but really, she’s nearing thirty and spent most of her time elbows deep in soil. Most of her clothes are worn at the knees from her days tending other people’s gardens, and she has too many overalls for the different seasons.

Still, like clockwork, Dani showed up the next day.

Jamie’s days were predictable. She’d close the shop and eat at the pub beneath her flat. Sometimes she visited Hannah and Owen’s for dinner—a single deviation from the pattern. Then she’d arrive back home and curl up with a book before finally drifting off to sleep—her nice and boring life. Somehow Dani shouldered her way into her routine, so she now expects her to turn up at half-past three. Worse, she looks forward to it.

Despite starting new, or maybe because they are starting fresh, Dani doesn’t call or text. They rely solely on their mid-afternoon chats among the flowers. Jamie’s annoyed at herself that she almost wishes she would call. She’d like to listen to Dani’s funny American accent as she winds down for the night. She’d like to hear about her day since they parted or what shows she watched that night. It’s a dangerous thought.

She thinks of Dani too much.

-🌷-

Dani drifts across her consciousness that morning. She thinks of Dani as she picks out a purple flannel to wear since Dani favors the color. She thinks of Dani as she picks up her morning brew from 'A Batter Place' and greets Hannah and Owen.

Jamie flips the closed sign to open and flops down onto the chair behind the till. She props her feet up on the counter. And she waits.

It’s a slow Friday. She sells a few arrangements and checks on her flowers in the back room. Around 3 o’clock, her eyes drift to the large windows and the pedestrians outside. It’s become Pavlovian, and she’s the dog waiting for the bell. She pretends she isn’t looking for a flash of gold hair or a shy smile. And she pretends she isn’t gutted when Dani doesn’t show up at three-thirty. It’s a relief when her phone rings about an hour later.

“The Leafling, Jamie speaking.” Jamie flips open her little notebook and readies to take an order.

“Hi, Jamie?” She recognized that voice. “This is Eddie. Uh, Dani’s Eddie.”

“What can I do you for?” She mentally starts arranging a bouquet of tiger lilies in case Eddie needed a suggestion.

“Uh, this is going to sound strange.” He cleared his throat over the phone. “I have a work trip this weekend, and Dani says she’s fine staying home alone, but I think- I think she’d be happier doing something with a friend. And you can say no, but she likes spending time with you, and she doesn’t want to come off as pushy and ask herself.”

Jamie pinched the skin between her eyebrows.

“God, this sounds dumber than it did in my head. Do you think you could hang out with her?”

Jamie covered the receiver with her palm and sighed. She put the phone back to her ear.

“I dunno. Does she even want to hang out?” Put it back on her; that way, she wasn’t the one turning her down.

“Hang on; she just got home.” She hears muffled sounds from the phone and hears her name before Eddie’s voice breaks through. “Dani says she’d love to do something. Saturday work for you?”

She heard more hissed whispers. 

“Yeah. Saturday’s fine. I’ll ring her mobile.”

Jamie’s stomach twisted, and she flipped the phone in her hands. It wasn’t a date; hell, Dani's husband arranged it, but it felt a lot like putting herself on the line for someone else. Time spent with someone she had feelings for and absolutely shouldn’t. A date adjacent, then. Before she lost her nerve, she pressed the name, ‘Dani Clayton.’

The phone rang. One long ring, then another. She still had time to hang up the phone. Then, a click.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Jamie’s mouth went dry. 

“I know-“ Jamie hears a door close, and Dani’s voice decrease in volume. “I know Eddie talked you into this, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to spend all day with me. I know last time we went out, we left things...weird.”

And Jamie knows Dani is thinking of their time after the football match.

Dani sounded defeated. But Jamie enjoyed their chats at 'The Leafling'. Really, what harm could a full day cause? She forced herself to speak. “I just need to know one thing. Were you serious about starting over?”

“Yes.” Dani sounds sure of herself, and something settles in Jamie’s chest.

“Great. Saturday it is then.”

They hang up. Jamie quickly pulls up Hannah’s name in her phone next. She holds the phone up to her ear and waits for the Hello.

“Hannah, I need your help-“

-🌷-

She meets Dani at the closest station to her house. Dani greets her with a prepackaged pastry and no tea or coffee, thank Christ. They depart at Kew Station and walk a short distance to Kew Gardens proper. 

There’s a surprising number of people walking in the park. Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising, but they passed multitudes. Families held maps, a mom pushed a stroller and held the hand of a little toddler, and couples walked hand in hand.

Jamie peeked over at Dani. She has a waist bag slung over one shoulder, and her spun gold hair glittered in the November sunlight.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a gardens girl,” Jamie grinned.

“I like nature,” she defended. “And I meant what I said about being friends. And I know you like flowers.”

She picked this location for her. It made Jamie’s heart flip like a dying fish, and she needed to put a lid on that right away.

“Have you ever been here before?” Dani asked.

“Nah. Been meaning to ever since I moved, but just never had a chance.”

“You’re not from London?”

“Is that a serious question, Poppins? My accent sticks out like a sore thumb.“

“Where’re you from? Originally?”

“Yorkshire near Selby. An old coal-mining village. That’s up north.”

“I teach geography too, you know. I know where Yorkshire is,” Dani said, rolling her eyes.

“Glad you do, ‘cause I dunno where Ohio is.”

Jamie grinned, and Dani laughed.

“Come on.”

They walked over to the large lake, and Jamie rested against the guard rail. An older man dropped breadcrumbs in the coy fish pond. Yellow, orange, and black fish rose to the surface to gobble up chunks of bread. Ducks floated across the water nearby. They fought the fish for the crumbs, squeaking and flapping their feathers in disgruntled annoyance.

There are plants and greenery everywhere. Jamie feels a lot like a kid in a candy store. Inside the large glass conservatories are tropical plants leaning heavily over the pathways as misters overhead keep them hydrated. Huge lily pads on a man-made pond and humidity hanging tangibly in the air.

The calm surroundings softened the tangible anxiety that hovers around Dani like a gnat. Her shoulders relax, and a small smile plays at the corners of her mouth. It loosens her tongue too.

“What got you into flowers?”

“I like flowers because they’re resilient. Just look at the Alpine House.” Jamie jerks her head at the massive glass structure nearby. “Those plants find ways to bloom even in harsh conditions. Whether it’s in the crack of a rock or anything, it still finds a way to thrive.”

Jamie pauses on the gravel path in the rock garden. Distantly she hears the sound of a waterfall.

“I started gardening first.” Jamie feels a wild, perverse desire to be known. Just a little. The abbreviated version, then. No point spilling deep-seated trauma straight away. “I had a rough go of it as a kid. Gardening is something stable, predictable as seasons. Saved enough to rent out an empty storefront and start-up 'The Leafling'. And that’s that.”

The path winds through the rock formations draped in greenery. A little river more akin to a moat parallels the way, and long-stemmed white flowers grow out of the muck.

“What got you into teaching?” she asks.

“I like helping kids. I like- I like being there for them. A teacher is always there. Sometimes that teacher is more stable than a parent. I want to be that for them.”

“Something solid as well, yeah?”

“Yeah.” They continue walking. Dani's mouth opened and then closed. Finally, she cleared her throat. “My dad died when I was seven.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Dani shook her head and sent blonde hair flying.

“It’s okay. I don’t really remember him that much. But I remember things were different after. Mom was different. Or maybe without dad around, she just didn’t have to try anymore. Eddie’s family was there for me. The O'Mara’s always had a place at the dinner table for me. I knew my teacher would be in the classroom in the morning, and I knew the O’Mara’s would be there for me after school.”

They looped back around and headed in the direction of the lake and the gate they arrived through. Interspersed with the green trees were bright pops of orange and red-leafed maple trees.

“We should come back in the spring,” Jamie said absentmindedly. “I’m sure it’s really something.”

“It’s beautiful now,” Dani said. “But I’d like to come back here. With you.” Jamie swallows around her dry throat.

Her phone rang, and Jamie fumbled with her phone. “Hello?”

“Do you need rescuing?” Hannah sounds as droll as she ever had.

“Hi.” Jamie felt herself flush. Right, she forgot she made Hannah promise to call in case she needed an escape. “Things’re good. Dani and me’re going to grab a bite to eat. Want to come with?”

“Owen just made a fresh rosemary bread. We are making sandwiches. Why don’t you pop round ours? You and Dani?”

“I’ll ask- " She called to Dani, standing a little apart from her. "Oi, Poppins, want to grab lunch with Owen and Hannah? _"_

"Okay." 

"She said, yeah. We’re taking the tube. Should be there in a half-hour, give or take.”

“Marvelous. We’ll see you then.”

-🌷-

Owen greets them at the flat door.

“I don’t remember ordering flowers,” he says, blocking the door with his body. Owen grinned an obnoxious grin.

“Budge over, then. Hannah promised sandwiches.”

“Come in. Nice to see you again, Dani.”

“Hello.”

Jamie led the way into the flat. Hannah stood at the countertop with a serrated bread knife, cutting the loaf into slices.

“Hello again, Dani. We have lunch meat and condiments. Just help yourselves and tuck in.”

Owen walked over to her and dropped a kiss against Hannah’s cheek. “You won’t find _batter_ bread.”

Jamie rolled her eyes. “That was terrible. Even for you.”

“Taste the fruits of my labor. I used Jamie’s herbs, so if anything doesn’t taste right, we know why.”

“No wonder it smells good in here.”

They ate lunch, and Jamie watched to make sure Dani wasn't uncomfortable, but Owen made some genuinely atrocious puns, and Dani’s smiles shifted from polite to genuine just as fast. 

After eating, they stuck around for the latest episode of _The Great British Bake Off_. Owen passed around a tin of biscuits.

“Shame you can’t go on, Owen,” Jamie cajoled. “What with owning a bakery and all. Can’t be considered an amateur baker by any means.”

“Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to embarrass the competition,” Owen demured. “It’d be bloody embarrassing getting star baker every week.”

“There are other shows for professional bakers,” Dani chimed in. “We have a lot in America. Competitive baking and stuff.”

“Right, I saw one of those American shows. They ask the contestants to do a bunch of things like juggle chainsaws while baking.”

“I’m sure you could go on one of those,” Dani continued. “Everything of yours I’ve had is amazing.”

Owen looks touched. “Thank you, but I’m afraid I’m not cut out for celebrity baking life. I couldn’t leave Hannah.”

Hannah lets out a psh sound. “Make me sound like a ball and chain.”

Owen quickly wraps an arm around her, and Hannah settles her head against the crook of his neck.

Dani smiled at Owen and Hannah, but there’s something in her eyes that Jamie didn't want to see. She patted the knee of Dani’s jeans.

“You good?” She asked. Dani’s breath shortened, and she looked at Jamie’s hand and back to her face again. Jamie’s a second away from snatching her hand back when Dani rested hers on top.

“Perfectly splendid,” she said, in a horrible imitation of Flora Wingrave. She doesn’t take her hand away.

They hold hands the rest of the show, and when Jamie dropped her off at the flat later, Dani wrapped her in a hug that lingered the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

“Do you have an en-gay-gment with Dani tonight?” 

Jamie wondered if she could shave Owen’s mustache while he slept at night. It wouldn’t be the first time she broke into a place. Really, how hard could it be?

“Nah. She’s probably doing something with her husband,” Jamie commented. It was a good reminder that Dani was, in fact, married. Even though she hardly saw Edmund. And Dani never spoke of him. 

Jamie leaned against the hot pink countertop and eyed the fresh biscuits just placed in the glass display case. “Add a biscuit to my order.”

Honestly, Owen should be rushed off his feet just for the cookies alone. Jamie wrestled a chocolate chunk out of the cookie and popped it into her mouth.

“We’re having dinner at ours next week,” he reminded her. Owen rang up the purchases and handed her her change. “Have a sweet day, love.”

Jamie walked back to her shop and the back room with the moonflower seeds. It wouldn’t bloom until summertime, and she wouldn’t plant until spring, which was months away. The moonflower represented so much of who she was. Years ago, she thought about getting them tattooed on her body but eventually decided she didn’t want anyone near her with a needle. 

It was her secret. Not for consumption and not visible to the rest of the world. And that’s where it would stay.

-🌷-

-🌷-

Dani made a habit of dropping in to chat with Hannah and Owen at ‘A Batter Place.’ They fast become her go-to for anything baked, and she’d never had better lunches since she started buying their sandwiches before work. 

Jamie was special to her, but Hannah and Owen  had become special too. Hannah was the voice of reason. She’s smart and put together, and even when she didn’t say a lot, what she did say mattered. And Owen was funny and good-natured, with his silly puns and random baking experiments that somehow always turn out delicious.

For the first time in her life, she felt like she had friends.  _ Her  _ friends, not just Eddie’s friends or their shared pool of friends back home that, of course, included Eddie. It was something that’s hers, and it’s liberating.

And as Eddie moved up in the company and put in more hours after work, Dani spent more and more time with Hannah, Owen, and Jamie. They made a happy foursome that made her feel more like herself than she ever had before.

Dani felt roots take hold and wrap around these people who she hadn’t known that long, really, and yet she felt like she’d known them forever. 

And if Dani was taking root, it’s because she  was growing. And she’d quickly outgrown her little pot—the one Eddie placed her in when she was ten and that she allowed herself to get trapped in.

She was ready to break free, but she was scared of the broken pieces she’d leave behind.

-🌷-

So she tried. She made sure Eddie could attend their next dinner meet up. They arrived at Owen and Hannah’s flat with a bottle of red wine and their friendliest expressions.

Jamie sat across from her and wore a crisp white collared shirt and suspenders. Dani longed to loop her fingers around them and taste the soft skin underneath her jaw. She wanted to taste the wine she’d been nursing the whole night from her lips. Her eyes fixated on the tease of her tongue as she licked the corner of her mouth.

“-Danielle?” Eddie got her attention with a quick shake of her shoulder.

“Hm?” Dani turned to look at him. She blinked and tried to vanish the fuzziness that came about from looking at Jamie. Eddie’s smile wavered, looking frayed around the edges.

“Were you listening to me?”

Dani grimaced, but Owen thankfully interrupted them.

“Right, while I remember, Hannah and I got a little something for you,” he said to them.

“Owen picked it out,” Hannah said. Dani knew why a second later as she removed a throw pillow from the paper gift bag.

It’s white, with several bright pink flamingos across the bottom with the words ‘Let’s Flamingle’ scrawled in a looping script over their heads.

Dani held it up so Jamie could see.

“Prat,” Jamie laughed.

Dani’s eyes drifted down to the peek of the silver chain disappearing underneath her top button. She wanted to trace her hands along it and the skin underneath. She watched Jamie’s sly smile and dry wit and wondered what it would be like to be with her—wondered what it would be like to brush away the hair from her face or touch the soft exposed skin on her stomach, the kind revealed as she reached up for a pot in the shop—wondered what it’d be like to kiss her. It’s a thought she’d never had for Eddie. Now she was aware of her...inclinations...it’s like she couldn’t stop them anymore.

_ But she has to _ . And she will.

She was trying.

-🌷-

It came to a head after just one week.

Eddie returned home from work and grasped her hands. He pulled her to the couch, where she sat next to her flamingo pillow. His face flushed with excitement. 

“I got offered a job. A position in New York.” It’s dramatic, but Dani can hear the world crash around her ears. “It’s a pay increase, and we’ll _ finally  _ be home. We can visit family whenever we want.”

“I’m happy here, Eddie. I like my life here.” Here, in London, with Jamie, just a short walk away.

“I came here for you, but marriage is a compromise, Danielle. This is a big step up, and I want to do this. And with this pay increase, you won’t have to teach anymore!”

Dani wasn’t sure what she said. Her ears  were ringing. Dani walked away, and Eddie called after her, but she kept walking. Away from the house and away from her troubles. 

-🌷-

Her feet  led her to ‘The Leafling.’ Jamie had tied her hair back with a red bandana, and  there was a  smudge of dirt on her nose where she  had  rubbed it.

“Poppins- Dani? Are you alright?”

Jamie’s face was full of concern, and it just about broke her. She felt as if a panic attack  brewed underneath the surface like a storm.

“Hey, come here.” Jamie led her to the backroom, somewhere Dani had never ventured. There was a large couch against the wall, overstuffed and frayed in places, but comfortable as Jamie sat her down on it. Jamie’s eyes examined her from top to bottom and didn’t ask if she was alright but checked with her eyes.

Dani couldn’t speak of it. Speaking it out loud would make it real. And Dani desperately didn't want it to be real.

Jamie traced patterns on her hand with her thumb. A soft movement, up and down. The touch grounded her enough to take in her surroundings. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Dani shook her head and looked around. The back room wasn’t much. There was a refrigeration unit for flowers, the sofa they sat on, and a workbench shoved into a corner with a single rickety chair in front—both covered in potted flowers. The wrought iron mess in the corner drew her eye.

“What’s that?” Dani pointed to the trellis in the corner.

“That? It’s for a flower.”

Dani shot her a dry look. “I guessed as much.”

“Cheeky.”

Jamie stood and disconnected their hands. She walked the short distance over to the workbench and shook a small packet of seeds.

“It’ll start off a wee thing in spring.”

“It’s only December.”

“The best things take time.” Jamie removed the bandana and ran a hand through her riotous curls. “But come summer, it will grow all over.” She gestured at a nearby trellis.

“What kind of flower?”

Jamie cleared her throat. “A moonflower.” 

“Your favorite flower,” Dani recalled. Jamie told her that the first day she came over for dinner.

“Yeah,” Jamie breathed.

“You said they’re really rare.”

“They are. It only blooms two months a year, and only at night. Each bud, only once. It’ll bloom, and then it’ll be dead by morning, then the next night new buds will bloom, and then they’ll die. In three weeks, this entire plant will be dead. Then I’ll have to plant a whole new plant.”

“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.”

“I told you before, that’s what people feel like to me. Exhaustive effort, very little to show for it. Even you. Even me.” Jamie scoffed. “Especially me.” 

Dani saw her point. Especially after today. But- “I told you not all people are like that.”

The great unspoken question of _ why  _ lingered between them.

Jamie chewed on her bottom lip, and Dani studied at her profile. She took in the soft slope of her nose to the line of her jaw and the freckles dotting her skin.

“I told you I had a rough go of it as a kid?” Dani nodded.

Jamie sighed heavily. “Okay.” She rocked back and forth like she was about to jump off a tall cliff.

“My mum and dad, well. They weren’t the greatest. Mum had my brother Denny when she was nineteen. Had me. And Dad started working in the mines. Near Selby is coal country. Mines, deep in the earth. And mum- mum was basically a kid herself. Ends up having my little brother Mikey next. Looks nothing like dad, and everyone knows why. And then Mum bolts, and dad can’t take care of three kids. We ended up in foster care. And then it’s just a bunch of stale, perverted men with bitter wives, hoping to make a few quid by taking care of the local trash.”

Jamie clenched and unclenched her fists.

“I ran away from my last foster home at fifteen. Got caught at seventeen for breaking and entering and possession. It wasn’t mine, but that didn’t make things better. Spent years in Her Majesty's Young Offender Institution before graduating out at twenty-one. It’s where I picked up gardening. Finally found something solid with a spade in hand and hard-packed dirt under my feet. Then I got a steady job at Bly and opened the Leafling just a year ago.”

Jamie clenched her jaw. The muscle leaped with each heartbeat.

“People…aren’t worth it. But plants…you pour your love, and your effort, and your nourishment into them…and you see where it goes. You watch them grow, and it all makes sense. So, yeah. Everyone is exhaustive. Even the best ones. But sometimes…once in a blue goddamned moon, I guess…someone…like this moonflower, just might be worth the effort.” 

Jamie looked up at her, a little glossy-eyed, and Dani knew then. She knew the mix of emotions in her chest and what they meant. Love.

Dani couldn’t stop her hands from reaching. Couldn’t stop the way her feet brought her to Jamie until they stood toe-to-toe and almost nose-to-nose.

Jamie looked at her, wide green eyes confused, and the sweet curve of her mouth ajar. “Dani-what-?”

She grasped the soft, worn fabric of Jamie’s Henley thermal and kissed her.

She kissed her, and everything went silent.

Jamie exhaled sharp against her lips, a jerk back, and their noses brushed.

“Are you sure?” Jamie breathed against her lips.

“Yes.” She had never been more sure of what she wanted.

Dani leaned in again and kissed her. Jamie fell limp against her. And then she pushed back against her, and Dani’s mind went blank.

She didn’t know how but Jamie’s hand cupped the back of her neck, and the other cupped her jaw, and then Dani’s pressed back onto the couch.

Dani hand brushed the scalding strip of exposed skin between her jeans and shirt. Jamie’s knee nudged between her legs, and Dani ground up on the hard length of her thigh. 

A high whine left her.

Jamie planted wet, leading kisses down the line of Dani’s neck and nosed her sweater out of the way. She ran her teeth across her sharp collar bones. Dani moaned, and her hips jumped. A spike of heat shot through her, settling low in her stomach.

Distantly, Dani heard the chime of a bell, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Anything, but the warmth of Jamie’s body on top of hers and the fire that roared in her veins.

The walls are thin. Dani heard the customer out front moving around, and Jamie could too.

She pulled away. Her lips are swollen, and kiss bruised. Her eyes were completely black. “Stay here. I’ll sort them out.”

She removed her leg, and Dani bit back a groan. Jamie shot her a crooked smirk and wiped her mouth free of lipstick, and checked her clothes before she closed the door behind her.

It was quiet, and then-

“Eddie.”

It’s like someone dumped a bucket of ice water down her back. Eddie’s muffled voice reached her.

“Hey, Jamie.”

“What, er, what’re you doing here?”

“I messed up. I’m sure you hear that all the time: husbands messing up. But I did.” Eddie rambled. “Things are strained lately, and I just made it worse. Do you have anything that means I’m sorry?”

Silence.

“Jamie?”

“Purple Hyacinth.”

Dani zoned out then. She barely registered when Jamie returned a few minutes later to the back room, shamefaced.

“Dani.”

Dani could hardly look at her. “This was-”

Dani tried to call it a mistake, but Jamie’s eyes closed like she was bracing for a blow. And Dani honestly couldn’t consider it a mistake, which was the worst part. She didn’t regret it. She wanted to do it again.

“I can’t do this to Eddie.” Jamie clenched her jaw and shoved her hands in her pockets. She looked down and nodded. “I-Jamie-” Dani was choking, choking on the words coming up in her throat and burning.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Poppins. I didn’t mean to-” Jamie rubbed her hand over her mouth again.

“I’ve never felt like this, about anyone. You make me feel something, something I absolutely cannot feel. I’m married, Jamie. I can’t do this.” Dani fought down her tears. “I should go.”

Jamie blinked rapidly. “I won’t tell you not to go. I’ll never tell you what to do. But I don’t want you to go.”

Her whole life, she felt tolerated and brittle to the touch. She’s going to break, and she can’t do that in front of Jamie. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good, Poppins. Maybe in another life, yeah? Another time?” Jamie croaked. She stood aside and let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in a rush of inspiration. I think I fixed all the tenses, but let me know if I missed something. Or if something is egregiously wrong.
> 
> Comments inspire me, and I write faster when I get positive reinforcement, so please let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s see...where were we? Oh yes, in the Pit of Despair.

Dani stumbled a block away feeling as unsteady and shaky as a newborn dear. _Oh god, what are you doing, Dani?_ Put some distance between herself and Jamie. Between herself and her own desires. What was she supposed to do now? Her phone chirped again. More missed calls from Eddie along with unopened texts. Eddie was the last person she wanted to talk to. Her lips still tingled. No, she needed someone safe. A friend.

And she had one.

She called up the contact list and clicked the name. She held her cellphone to her ear. “Can we meet somewhere? Anywhere?”

Dani walked three blocks in the opposite direction of home until she arrived at an inconspicuous Starbucks. It was the type of place you could find anywhere in America and the type on every street corner in New York. She ordered a coffee and a tea from the green-aproned barista before she texted her location from her seat facing the door.

Some top 40’s hits played like a background hum and Dani’s knee bounced in tune while she waited. Ten minutes later, Hannah breezed through the door armed with a kind smile.

“Dani,” she greeted. Dani rose to greet her and accepted her hug and cheek kiss.

Hannah smelled like perfume and cookies and her hug was so warm that Dani wants to wear it around her shoulders like a sweater.

They sat down and Hannah smiled at the cup in front of her. “For me? Thank you.”

“I bought you a tea but it’s probably cold by now,” she apologized. “I’ll buy you another one-“

“It’s fine, dear. Please, relax.”

The leftover adrenaline from her kiss with Jamie buzzed through her like a swarm of bees. She never felt _less_ like relaxing. She could run a mile without stopping. And, _oh god_ , she probably looked like a mess. She surreptitiously flattened her hand-tousled hair.

Jamie’s touch lingered all over her skin like invisible fingerprints at a crime scene. The crime in question commited by her against her marriage.

_Don’t think about that right now._

“Thank you for coming,” she said robotically. 

“It sounded urgent. I hope it’s nothing dire?”

Hannah was kind enough to not ask why she didn’t call Jamie, or why she chose a random Starbucks when Hannah co-owned a perfectly fine bakery. Hannah was letting her come to it in her own time, but Dani didn’t know how to tackle something like this.

_Where to begin?_

Rain pattered the glass outside and pinged off the plastic patio seating and umbrellas. Cars drove by and people hurried through the developing downpour.

Dani shivered and cupped her drink. It reminded forcefully of the first time she got tea with Jamie. It had been a gloomy day just like this one. She didn’t know then that the draw she felt for the florist would become _this_. This _thing_ that was out of her control. Jamie took root in her mind until she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was drawn to her since she saw her as she walked down that aisle and towards a future that filled her with dread. The sight of Jamie between the columns made her feel something other than doom. Their conversation at the drinks table was the only thing that made her smile that day.

She didn’t know then just how big of an impact Jamie would have on her—Only that she wanted to see her again. Would she have sought her out had she known? Knowing Jamie forced her to confront a side of her she’d actively avoided since she was eleven and maybe younger. 

Jamie coaxed the cold out of her and without her, Dani felt frozen.

When did she become this person? The type to have an affair? To fall for a friend?

She didn’t befriend beautiful women with the intention of getting together with them. She wasn’t like-

She was so stupid.

“Eddie got offered a position in New York,” she said in a rush. “A transfer to the New York offices.” Maybe if she re-worded it then it will make sense in her mind. New York. America. With Eddie.

Dani clenched her teeth so hard that it hurt.

“New York.” Hannah’s eyebrows rose dramatically. “And after you just settled here? How do you feel about that?”

Dani felt like she had an entire lemon lodged in her throat. “I- I don’t-“ she pulled at the roots of her hair. “Eddie wants to go. He never wanted to leave the country. But I just- what I want-“ she couldn’t say what she wanted. What she wanted was unspeakable. 

Eddie came here because of her. Because she accepted a job overseas to try and run away, but instead Eddie followed her. She stopped fighting after that. She felt like a tuna from this reality show her mother watched. These giant Bluefin Tunas were hooked at the end of a line and fought for hours before finally giving in to the inevitable. 

Her chest hurt.

“Have I ever told you how I met Owen?” Hannah asked. Dani shook her head. 

“I was married before.” Hannah took a sip and said it as casually as anything. “A nice man named Sam right after university. I thought we were happy, but really we just settled. I would’ve stayed married to him. Despite everything. But then he cheated on me and he left me for another woman.”

Dani stared so hard down at her latte she half expected it to catch fire. The blood pounded in her ears. Did Hannah _know_? And if she knew, then who else suspected? What about Eddie?

“It hurt. It hurt terribly. But I realize now it was the best thing for me.”

Dani scrutinized her. “You’re happy he cheated?”

“I’m not grateful he cheated on me. Of course not, but I’m glad he set me free. It let me meet Owen and find true love. Not merely settling.” Hannah smiled at her and looked at ease. She didn’t know why, but she half-expected the woman in front of her to morph somehow, now she knew she was divorced. She wasn’t any less of an amazing, elegant woman than she was a minute ago.

“How did you meet Owen?” Dani croaked.

“Pure chance. I came into 'A Batter Place,' ready to eat my weight in cake and brownies. And there he was. With his silly puns and kind eyes. And something in me clicked. Not love at first sight but recognition. It’s silly, but it’s like I had met him before, some version of him at least. A part of me recognized someone I could love.”

Hannah reached across the table and rested a well-manicured hand on Dani’s. Her skin warmed the cold back of her hand.

“Time heals all wounds and life is too short to settle. You’re braver than you think.”

-🌷-

_You’re braver than you think._

The words circled like a shark. 

_You’re braver than you think._

If Hannah could get divorced and come out the other side happier, then maybe-

She returned home to find Eddie pacing a path in the throw rug. His always messy hair is somehow even messier. And in his right hand were a bouquet of purple flowers.

His shoulders dropped. “Danielle.”

“Eddie-“

He crossed the room in one long stride and grasped her hand.

“I’m sorry. Before you say anything, I need you to know how sorry I am. I sprung it on you and that was stupid. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I was just so excited and I didn’t do it right. I didn’t think.” Eddie’s glasses slid down the bridge of his nose and he pushed them up. “It’s just this is a great opportunity and imagine living in New York! We could go to Broadway and walk around Central Park and see the Statue of Liberty and all the stuff we talked about as kids.”

“I-“

“Please, just-“ at this he pressed the flowers into her hands. “Can you think about it? Don’t come up with a decision or say anything about it. Can you think about it?”

Dani flashed back to those tuna. She’s the fish on the line and she’s slowly being dragged to the boat. And like before the fight went out of her. Why fight the inevitable?

“I’ll think about it.”

-🌷-

-🌷-

Jamie was in a bad place after Dani left. So much so that she closed early for the day and got hammered in the pub beneath her flat. She then almost died stumbling up the narrow and uneven staircase that led to her flat.

It was a bad day overall.

Her flat was small—one room, not even worth calling a studio. There was a worn loveseat she picked up from a street corner, and she shoved her full-size bed along the furthest wall. A bookcase full of second hand and shabby paperbacks half separated her bedroom from the living area. She starfished on the bed and gazed at the ceiling. A beam of streetlight cut through her curtains and painted shadow people on the wall.

Jamie thought about texting Dani. The thought lingered and itched in her fingers. She sat up, and her head swam. Finally, she lobbed the phone away from her and onto the couch with a thud.

She was hot. Heavy liquor always makes her feel hot. Her skin was flushed, and the back of her shirt stuck to her back. She tugged at the collar. Just a few hours ago, Dani grasped and pulled at the same fabric. Jamie can still hear her muffled whimpers against her lips. She took it off entirely and threw it, leaving her in just a bra and jeans.

Much better.

She closed her eyes and felt the room spin and rock like the cabin of a ship. She’s opening her eyes again what feels like not even a second later. Rays of sunlight poked like two fingers straight into her eyes and back into her brain stem. Jamie’s had a lot of hard nights and days. Years really. And today is one in a most recent string of _bad_.

She was tired. She was so tired. She wasn't designed for this anymore: the wear and tear and constant pull on the frayed strings of her psyche. 

Her pulse beat a steady tune behind her eyeballs. Her mouth was drier than the Sahara, and bile bubbled its way into her mouth and left a bitter taste.

She was so, so tired.

She forced herself to get up. All you can do, really, is keep moving forward. Take it one day at a time. Life kicks you down, and you just have to get up again. 

She repeated this to herself as she shuffled around her flat. Her jeans twisted around her hips during the night, and her belt left an angry indentation on her stomach. Half of her felt cold as ice and the other as stiff as a corpse. She burped and wasn't sure if anything else was coming up for a terrible moment.

Then she jammed her toe against the couch leg and swore viciously. One foot in front of the other.

She found her phone after some searching, facedown on the floor next to the couch. The screen wasn't cracked, thank Christ, but the battery was dangerously low.

Her phone had multiple missed calls from Owen and Hannah. Her early closing hadn't gone unnoticed. She was tempted just to shut off her phone and hole away from the world. She needed a good day or ten to lick her wounds in private. She couldn't do that when everything in the shop reminded her of Dani. She might have to replace the couch entirely.

But Jamie Taylor wasn’t a coward. She took a scalding hot shower and scraped her still sopping hair into a messy ponytail. She arrived at 'The Leafling' just in time for opening and already had a customer waiting.

It’s enough to settle her stomach long enough to secure the sale. 

She chugged a leftover bottle of water in the refrigeration unit and fought the nausea curling up like a living thing inside her. Maybe a lie down would help.

Jamie flopped onto the couch and pressed the cold bottle against her forehead before freezing. The cushion smelled like Dani. Her head touched this cushion.

What if Eddie never showed up? She closed her eyes. She could still feel the weight of Dani underneath her. Jamie would have grabbed the meat of Dani’s thigh until she was open to her, and her fingers would race up the warm silky smooth skin of her thighs and-

She shook her head.

She needed a few days. Distance.

Owen’s newest hire dropped off a cup of black coffee with a smiley face and pun written on the side in sharpie at half-past. It was horrible, but it helped cut through the fog in her head.

Three o’clock came, and Jamie again glanced out the window like she expected a rhino to burst through the glass.

At four-thirty, she was sweating bullets. Dani wouldn’t show up. Right? She wouldn’t show up and try to pretend everything was normal again, right? It wouldn’t be the first time, she thought. She ventured across the street in hopes a decent brew would fix her jitters.

She peered through the glass just to make sure the coast was clear—no Dani. It was just Hannah behind the counter with the new hire. Her hair was such a bright shade of bubblegum pink that Jamie almost lost sight of her against the countertop.

“You look dreadful,” Hannah greeted her.

“Cheers.” Jamie tipped an imaginary hat. “Thanks for that.”

Hannah’s mouth pursed with words unspoken. 

The trainee sent her a nervous smile. “Welcome to 'A Batter Place,' what can I get you?”

“Sandwich and tea.”

“What kind-?” The trainee piped up.

Honestly, Jamie couldn’t give a damn what she was about to eat or drink. But this poor college student didn’t deserve her ire. “Whichever’s fastest, thanks.”

The girl didn't grant her wish. Hannah walked the girl, Emily, the nametag read, through using the till. It was painstakingly slow.

Jamie drummed her fingers on the counter while Emily wrangled with the many buttons. Hannah’s attention drifted from Emily to her and back again.

“Is Owen around?” she asked.

Owen’s head burst through the swinging door to the kitchen like a Jack in the box.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jamie clutched her chest.

“Someone called?”

“You got time for a word?”

“Give me a second. I’ve got dough everywhere. I’m dough-verloaded.”

-🌷-

She bumped knees with Owen and Hannah at the back corner table. 

“I need to get away,” she said. She picked at a stray bit of dirt lodged under her nails that she hadn’t noticed earlier—a single fleck near the corner.

“Where? And what about the shop?” Owen asked. Jamie now focused on a sharp edge to her thumbnail. She needed to file that.

“I’ll close it for a few days. Take a loss. It’ll only be a few days.” Just long enough to get her head back on straight, at least. Surely it wouldn’t take that long to get over whatever this almost thing with Dani.

Dani, who contained multitudes and also loved a good jean jacket. Beautiful, smart, and very married Dani Clayton. Something horrible twisted in her chest at the thought. This is why she didn’t do relationships.

“I can mind the shop,” Hannah offered.

Jamie looked skeptically at her.

“I know how to work a till, and the flowers sell themselves. Besides, it’s only a few days.”

Owen cut in before Jamie could find fault in Hannah’s words.

“Where will you go?”

“North, maybe. I dunno. Just pack up the truck and drive.”

Hannah and Owen exchanged looks. She hated when they did that, that silent communication. It always happened before they gave her unsolicited advice or nosed into her business. They had a nasty habit of being bang on most of the time, too. She didn't want advice; she wanted to run.

Hannah cleared her throat gently, and Jamie took a sip of tea. “I had an interesting conversation with Dani the other day.”

“Really?” Jamie wheezed. She set the cup back down. “Uh, what abouts?”

“Oh, this and that.” Hannah waved a lazy hand. “She seemed flustered.”

Flustered sounded about right. She could imagine Dani without even trying. Dani, with her blue eyes and ears that just stuck out a little bit in front of her blonde hair.

Owen glanced again back at Hannah before settling on Jamie. “Are you going to tell us why you’re fleeing the city?”

“Dani and I, well, we kissed. For real. And then Eddie showed up.”

“Bollocks.” “Then what happened?”

“Dani sorta ran outta there. Said we could never happen. It’s over. Not that there was anything there, to begin with.”

Owen’s mustache turned down in a frown. Jamie looked down. She didn’t want his pity. And she didn’t dare look at Hannah. Hannah, who’d been cheated on before. Who had a husband leave her. Jamie felt like her mum. And Eddie, poor ol’ Eddie, was just like her dad. Just like Dennis. 

At least there weren’t kids involved in this mess. She mentally played the world's smallest kazoo in celebration. Not totally like her mum then.

“You should talk to her,” Hannah said.

“No offense Hannah but that hasn’t gone well literally _any_ of the times I’ve tried it.”

“In a public place. Not a back room or a dark and deserted street corner. It would be best if you told her about your feelings. Using real words too. At the very least, it will offer some closure.”

Jamie drained the remainder of her drink. She thumped the cup down and nodded. “I will. Right now.” She typed up a message and sent it before she could think better of it. A response soon popped up.

“We’re meeting in the park. Should be nice and public,” Jamie muttered.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

-🌷-

They scheduled to meet in Primrose Park. It’s the same park they celebrated Bonfire Night in. It’s familiar ground to them both, but somewhere Jamie knew she would avoid from this day forward.

She found Dani on a walking path up a gently sloping hill.

Jamie felt each cigarette she’s ever smoked in her lungs as she walked uphill. It was her excuse for how slow she was walking. Not at all trying to put off the inevitable heartbreak.

“Jamie.” Dani’s lips curled up around the edges, and no one’s ever said her name quite like that before.

“Hey.” Jamie jammed both hands in her pockets for lack of anything to do with her hands. Time to tear off the bandage.

“Right, I’ll start. I can’t do this. I can’t be friends. I tried, but- it’ll never just be a friendship for me. And I don’t think it’ll be for you either. If you need flowers, there are other shops. Not as good, mind, but-“ she tried to clear the broken bits of her heart in her throat. “I’m not my mum. I’m not going to break up a marriage or anything like that.”

“And I can’t do that to Eddie.”

“Great. Then I’ll just walk away. And you’ll never hear from me again.”

“Is that what you want?”

“You know it’s not.” What else could she say? She had said her piece, and they reached an impasse. _Tell her about your feelings,_ what a bunch of shite.

Dani wrapped her arms around herself. “Eddie got a transfer to New York.”

It was over. Really, truly over this time. There was no starting anew again. Their relationship was like a moonflower. It bloomed once, and now it was doomed to die a quick death. Except there’d be no renewal this time. 

She screwed up her jaw and eyes so that she wouldn't do something as embarrassing as cry. 

“Oh.” Jamie dug her nails into the palm of her hand. She focused on the physical pain to ground her. 

She was breaking, all messy and sharp edges, and she couldn't hold back any longer, not when Dani’s sad eyes were so very blue. She wrapped her arms around Dani in a tight hug.

“Don’t forget me,” Dani murmured against her cheek.

“I won’t remember anything else.”

And with that, she disentangled from Dani and didn't look back as she set off back down the hill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas 🤪


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter before the epilogue. It’s been a wild ride. I’ve taken some of the dialogue directly from Bly Manor. I hope you enjoy!

Jamie made the preparations for her trip. Her truck (advertising 'The Leafling' in bold print across the doors) had a full tank of petrol, and apart from the bare essentials, she didn’t need much to survive. She learned a long time ago to pack light. It meant less shit to get attached to and less to leave behind.

She pressed her spare key into Owen’s hand.

“Make sure to water Philippa and Yennefer once a day.”

“Right-o.”

“If I come back and find you’ve murdered my plants-”

“I know, I know: you’ll shave my mustache.”

“No bullshit, if my plants die, that mustache is the least of your worries.”

Owen cracked a smile, but he wouldn’t be smiling if he killed her plants, that’s for damn sure. Jamie resumed her packing. Clothes, money, necessary hygiene supplies, anything else?

“You’re sure I can’t convince you to stay?” Owen asked.

_Got no reason to stay,_ she thought.

“It’s only a few days,” Jamie muttered. She zipped up her duffle bag and tossed it on the couch.

“Make sure it’s only a few days. We can’t afford to lose our best customer. Are you going to say goodbye to Hannah?”

“We said our goodbyes this morning before she went in.”

“Where was I?”

“Baking. I heard you singing from the front of the shop. Now, stop trying to delay me.”

“Fine. Fine.” Still, Owen lingered by the doorway. “You’ll call if you need anything?” Owen acted like she was heading off to the front and not a much-needed break.

“Bloody hell, mate, I’m not vanishing off the face of the earth. Now get! I need to check to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything, and I can’t do that with you hovering.”

-🌷-

-🌷-

Dani walked through the front door and slid off her heels. They dangled from her fingertips before falling softly to the floor next to the front door. She stretched her toes and the arch of her foot with a heavy sigh. 

A voice carried from another room: “Danielle?”

“Eddie?” She called back quizzically. “Are you home?”

She glanced at the carriage clock against the mantle. Eddie usually didn’t get home until after five.

“In the dining room!”

Now she’s listening for sound, Dani hears soft, muffled jazz music. She padded towards the sound with the feeling of impending doom. She paused in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

“What’s this?”

She surveyed the scene.

Eddie stood proudly next to the dining room table. He dressed the table in a white tablecloth and arranged two places with their wedding china and the fancy silverware. In the center of the table in a crystal vase were the purple Hyacinths he purchased from Jamie.

“Sit down and get comfortable. I made dinner.”

Eddie pulled out the chair for her, and Dani sat. He hurried back into the kitchen and set out a basket of rolls and butter.

“The chicken is in the oven. I know it’s a little early for dinner, but I wanted to say sorry about before.”

“Eddie-“

“I shouldn’t have blindsided you. I was just so excited about New York that I thought if I told you why I was excited, then you would be too.”

So far, they’ve managed to avoid the conversation about New York. Eddie had carefully skirted the topic, but he’s dropped sentence starters like, ‘Once we’re in the US…’ or ‘In New York…’

It was only a matter of time before he broached the subject again, and that time was now. Eddie tore apart the roll and grinned at her.

“I think we should talk about logistics. Our lease ends this month. We need to decide if we’re staying or going.” Eddie looked at her expectantly. Dani took a sip of her wine to stall, and he continued. “I printed out some listings for apartments for rent in New York. We can’t afford Manhattan, but I found some good neighborhoods-”

Eddie’s entire visage lit up like a Christmas tree at the very mention of New York. She hadn’t noticed, but this was the happiest he looked in weeks. They were both miserable, weren’t they? It was a jarring realization. 

Staying in England was what would make her happiest, but Eddie would be happiest in New York. Eddie deserved happiness and a woman who loved him and could give him the family he wanted. And she- she deserved to be happy too. By staying like this, she was making them both miserable. Things couldn’t stay as they were. New York was just one obstacle. Soon it would be buying a house in the suburbs, then children, or any number of nightmare possibilities. It was nothing she could give him. She wasn’t willing to give any more of herself away, not after Jamie showed her a glimpse of what it meant to _feel._

_Oh, Jamie._ She already hurt Jamie too many times. Who knew if Jamie would ever speak to her again, but she could do the brave thing and the unselfish thing. She could set Eddie free.

“You should go to New York.”

Eddie’s face broke out into a toothy grin. “You want to go?”

“No, Eddie. _You_ should go to New York.”

His smile froze. “For a second, I thought you wanted me to go alone?” 

She just stared at him. She was too tired even to pretend anymore, and slowly it dawned on him that that is exactly what she meant. His eyes cut away from her.

“Eddie…” She reached across to touch his hand, to get him to look at her. “I can’t stay married to you. I- I want a divorce.”

“What did I do?” He asked. He angled his chin upwards, and she flashed back to the boy she used to know who tried to act big and tough.

“Nothing!”

“What didn't I do?” He asked desperately.

“It’s not like that.” It wasn’t him. It was her, and wasn’t that the oldest breakup line in existence?

“Well, then what’s it like, Danielle?” He demanded, voice rising. He jerked his hand back, and she slowly retracted hers. She twisted the nearest napkin into knots.

Eddie lifted his fist to his lips and looked away. She needed to explain better. She needed him to understand.

“You know, I thought we could get back on track with this dinner. That if I just did this one thing right, things would go back to the way they used to be.”

“Eddie, I’m sorry.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing. Nothing changed, Eddie. _I_ didn’t change. I’ve always been like this. I couldn’t, I just- I can’t live this lie anymore.”

Eddie’s expression grew stormier by the second.

“ _What lie?_ ”

“I never- I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to marry you, Eddie. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve said something sooner.”

“Yeah, you think? Why did you marry me, then?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you. Or your mom. Or your family. And then it was just what we were doing. I just thought I was selfish or- or broken.” Eddie set his head in his hands and shook his head. “I love you, and I thought I could make myself feel like how I was supposed to. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Eddie let out a little incredulous laugh. “You didn’t want to hurt me, huh?”

“I love you,” she stressed. He was her best friend. The person there for her after her father died and when her mother turned into the walking dead. Her best friend, who loved her but not in a way she could ever return. “So much. Even still.”

She couldn’t imagine a world without her best friend, and she didn’t want to lose him. Now, she felt him slipping away with every word she said.

“Well, that’s just great, Danielle. I’m so glad you _love me._ We’re married _._ ” His face twisted, and his expression switched to something shattered. “Is there someone else?”

“Eddie-“

“Is there?”

“I don’t-”

“Damn it, Danielle, answer me!”

“I’m gay, Eddie!” She yelled. She waited for the fear to creep in like it always did when she thought about her feelings, but this time it doesn’t. All that’s left is acceptance. If anything, it’s a relief.

“You’re- you-“

“I always have been.” 

Eddie shook his head, and Dani knew there was nothing else to say. She slid off her ring and set it on the empty plate in front of her. “You should go to New York,” she reiterated. 

Eddie stayed frozen at the table, his face slack and eyes out of focus. Her latest revelation seemed to have thrown him completely off course. Dani took off the lap towel and stood. “You can stay here. This is your home. I’ll go,” she told him.

She paused by the doorway. Eddie slumped down in his seat and took off his glasses. Both hands were over his eyes. She desperately wanted to say something, anything, to fix that hurt, but she knew she couldn’t. 

Time, she recalled Hannah saying, healed all wounds. Dani slipped on a pair of tennis shoes by the front door and left.

-🌷-

Dani’s feet took her towards the business district and ‘The Leafling’ without conscious thought. Jamie probably never wanted to see her again, but she had to tell her. She needed to tell her face-to-face that her marriage was over and that Dani liked her so much more than she could say. More than like, even. Love. Because somewhere between the dinners and the chats in ‘The Leafling,’ Dani had fallen in love. She accomplished on accident what she tried so hard to feel for Eddie for years.

She doesn’t expect Jamie to welcome her with open arms. That London Bridge already fell. But she had to tell her. And maybe, just maybe, Jamie could someday forgive her.

She realized halfway there that it isn’t a good idea to blindside her. Jamie doesn’t care for surprises. She pulled up her name on her phone and called her.

To the surprise of no one, the call went straight to voicemail. She tried again and the same thing. With a sinking in her gut, she wondered if Jamie just outright blocked her number. It’s what she deserved.

She toyed with the idea of calling ‘The Leafling’s’ landline, but that felt underhanded. Jamie deserved to see who was calling her and make a choice to answer or not. 

Maybe she shouldn’t even see Jamie, but she was running on pure adrenaline now after coming out. Even if Jamie told her to leave and never come back, she had to see her at least one last time.

She entered ‘The Leafling’ with a full head of steam only to freeze. Instead of Jamie, Hannah was standing behind the counter. Hannah offered her a tight-lipped smile.

“Welcome to The Leafling. Can I help you?”

Dani looks around, suddenly unsure whether she entered the right shop. 

“What are you doing here? Where is Jamie?” she asked.

“I’m minding the shop for a few days while Jamie deals with business out of town. Did you need something...?”

“I did it. I broke up with Eddie.”

“I’m proud of you.” And she was; Dani could see it in the way her smile turned genuine. “Now, what does that have to do with Jamie, dear?”

“I know I screwed up with Jamie. But I need to tell her that I-” Her teeth clenched, and the words wouldn’t escape her. “I know I hurt her, and I need to tell her how sorry I am. I’ve made so many mistakes. I should never have married Eddie, and I shouldn’t have stayed.” Dani clenched her fists. “And now it’s too late, isn’t it?”

_Too little, too late, Danielle._ She jerked her around, and now what? Jamie was gone and never wanted to see her again. She made her bed, and now she had to lie in it. She blinked back tears.

Hannah moved out from behind the counter while she was in her head. Suddenly she was right in front of her, and then her hand was resting on her shoulder. Her dark eyes are searching.

“I care about Jamie. So much. I haven’t shown it, but I do. Please,” Dani pleaded.

Hannah pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and held a finger to her lips.

“Hello? Jamie, dear, have you left yet? Hold off for a few minutes; I have a surprise for you. I know you do- but I think you’ll quite like this one. Wait out front. It won’t be but a moment.” With that, Hannah hung up the phone. She looked expectantly at Dani.

“Thank you.” She turned to leave and stopped. She pointed at nearby flowers.

“How much for these?”

-🌷-

Jamie wore a worn leather jacket over a cable knit sweater, and her hair fell in loose curls around her shoulders. She leaned against the wall leading to the alley separating the pub from its neighbors and fiddled with her phone. Her head jerked up at her footfalls, and her mouth dropped open.

“Dani?” Jamie blinked very fast like she expected to blink her out of existence.

“I went to ‘The Leafling,’ but you weren’t there,” Dani explained. She kept a safe distance from Jamie. She reminded her of a porcupine. Everything about Jamie’s posture screamed, ‘stay away.’

Dani shifted the flowers in her hands, and Jamie noticed them at long last.

Jamie looked down at them like she expected a live bomb instead. “Are these mine?” She asked incredulously.

“From your shop? Yep. You said never to show up empty-handed, remember?” She hoped for a smile, but Jamie’s face remained stoic.

“Why were you at my shop? I thought we said everything we needed to yesterday?” Jamie challenged, arms crossed. There’s a wall, so tangible that it’s almost a living thing, between them.

“I needed to tell you something. I know I don’t deserve to ask anything else of you, but I needed you to hear one last thing. Please, I need to tell you before you leave.”

Jamie tilted her head, and there's an unspoken ‘go on’ in her guarded expression. 

She summoned her courage. She had already come so far, and maybe Hannah was right. She was braver than she thought because she kept going.

“I broke up with Eddie. It’s over. It’s been over; I just wasn’t brave enough to face him. I didn’t want to let him down, but I realize I let you down instead. I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I remember the night you told me what Tiger Lilies mean. I wanted to kiss you that night, and I never felt that way about Eddie before. It scared me. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. Flowers mean things, and I’m giving you these for a reason, Jamie.”

Jamie looked down at the wild bouquet of Tiger Lilies in Dani’s hands. 

“It’s my turn to dare you to love me because I love you. I’m not expecting you to say it back, or even speak to me again, but I need you to know: I love you, Jamie Taylor. I needed you to know that before you leave.”

“Are you sure?” Jamie asked in a carefully controlled and near-emotionless voice. The smallest small quiver at the end of her sentence betrayed her feelings. “Are you really, really sure this time? Because you have a habit of jumping back, and I can’t do it anymore, Dani. I just can’t.”

“I’m sure. I promise.” Dani reached her left hand out and grasped Jamie’s right hand. Her eyes drifted down to her bare left ring finger.

Jamie’s hands slid up to grip her elbows, and they were even closer now. Dani could see every shade of green, ranging to almost grey in those beautiful eyes. Those same eyes darted from Dani’s lips to her eyes and back again. Her eyes drift to the smattering of small freckles on the bridge of Jamie’s delicate nose and the soft pink bow of her lips.

Dani longed to lean in and close the difference, but it’s Jamie’s decision. It’s Jamie’s turn to decide.

And she does.

Jamie stepped even closer to her, and then they’re kissing.

It’s only been a few days since their very first and last kiss, but Dani almost forgot this feeling. Jamie’s lips are warm and soft, despite the cold weather, and she never knew the press of lips against hers could light her up from the inside. It’s a testing kiss, full of soft precision and the careful press of lips against hers.

Jamie pulled back by just an eyelash and sighed against her lips as soft as a summer breeze. “Thank fuck,” Jamie breathed.

They both dive back in. Jamie’s free hand cupped her jaw, and Dani’s hand grasped at the curve of her hip beneath her jacket.

It’s all hot breath against her lips and the warmth of Jamie’s tongue and her mouth and the nip of teeth against her bottom lip. And Dani gave in—gave in to her long-held desire to thread her fingers in that soft hair and pull Jamie’s hips closer to hers. She could feel the heat radiating off Jamie’s body, even through all their layers. She rocked into her, and she felt the flowers fall from Jamie’s hand as the other came up to the back of her neck.

A great cheer went up, and someone (undoubtedly drunk) hollered from inside the pub, and they broke away for a second to catch their breath.

“Do-” Dani tried to breathe in deep breaths. “Do you want to get a drink?”

Jamie’s hand lowered from her jaw to the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Her fingers stroked the soft skin beneath her collar. “Where? Here?”

Dani nodded distractedly.

“You know I live right above the pub, Poppins? You sure you don’t have ulterior motives?” Jamie’s voice was calm, but her fingers tightened infinitesimally against her skin.

Dani felt a smirk playing around her lips, and confidence she had never known before rushed through her veins like a drug. “Let’s have a drink…and see where it takes us.” Jamie’s eyes darkened. But then, as quickly as it came, the self-confidence ebbed. “Unless- Hannah said you had business out of town?” Dani shot a pointed glance at the truck parked next to the curb and the duffle bag next to Jamie’s feet.

“Turns out I’m right where I need to be.” Jamie started leaning in again before her eyes went round. “Oh, damn, the flowers.” Jamie stooped down and picked up the forgotten bouquet. 

Jamie fussed over the dropped flowers like you would a child who fell off a swing, and it was so endearing that Dani can’t help but kiss her again. Jamie’s face cracked into a smile, and Dani can’t help but nuzzle against her face, nose to nose, before she tilted her head in for another kiss. Yes. This is exactly where she needs to be.

-🌷-

They never do get that drink. One kiss developed into two, and then three, and soon they stumbled through the back entrance and up the stairs to Jamie’s flat.

Dani was giddy and twisted up inside with nerves.

Jamie pressed her against her door and looked at her like she can’t believe she’s really here. Her hands bracketed Dani’s head.

“Do you want to go inside?” Jamie asked.

Dani nodded and kissed her again. 

Jamie fumbled with the double locks, and they stumbled through the door.

“It’s not much, sorry,” Jamie apologized. The walls were stony blue, and it was small, but there were plants on the windowsills, a chipping painting of a sunflower over the left wall, and well-loved books in the bookcase. It’s Jamie’s, and it was perfect.

Dani grasped Jamie’s face and kissed her again. She couldn’t stop kissing her. She couldn’t get over the novelty that she could kiss Jamie. And she’s never wanted to kiss anyone more. Jamie broke away with a crooked grin and set the flowers onto the couch. And beyond the sofa is a hint of a royal blue bedspread.

Self-doubt chafed against her desires now that she’s here, and she could see Jamie’s bed peeking out from behind the bookshelf. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Dani confessed. She wanted it to be good for Jamie; more than anything, she wanted Jamie not to regret taking Dani into her heart and her bed. And standing before her, she felt woefully unprepared.

“It’s alright. Do what comes natural,” Jamie whispered against her lips. “And I’ll take care of you.”

-🌷-

Afterward, they curled up together in bed. Dani had never liked this before, any of it, but especially the after. Usually, she snuck away to take a scalding hot shower as soon as possible and tried to burn the shame and guilt she felt out of her pores.

She didn’t feel any desire to leave. She wanted to stay.

Jamie’s bed is small for two people. They curled up against one another, despite the cooling sweat between their naked bodies. Dani pressed up against Jamie’s back and threaded their legs together. Jamie’s delicate ribs rose and fell with each breath, and she can feel her inhale and exhale. There’s a dreamlike quality to everything around her, and it’s the closest thing to peace she’s ever known. She’s reluctant to break it, but there are things they have to discuss.

There’s a matter of logistics. “I need to pick up my stuff,” Dani whispered. Her fingertips trail up and down Jamie’s forearm and down to her delicate fingers. Jamie’s breathing was soft and slow in the dimly lit apartment.

“I’ll go with you. We can take the truck, and we can load it up.”

“No. I need to do this on my own.”

She’s not ashamed of anything she just did with Jamie. She wanted to do it repeatedly until they were sated, sore, and too tired to move. But she didn’t want to throw it in Eddie’s face. He didn’t deserve that.

“But you’ll come back, right? Only you can stay here if you want. Or I’m sure Owen and Hannah would let you stay. You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to.”

“No, I- I do. I want to stay with you. If you’re sure that’s okay?”

“I offered, Poppins. ‘Course it’s okay.”

“Okay.” She hid her smile in the soft skin between Jamie’s neck and shoulder. Her mouth brushed the rough scar tissue across her shoulder, and Jamie tensed. Dani brushed a kiss across it, and the tension slowly faded out of Jamie. Dani slowly continued up Jamie’s neck, and she groaned and bared more of her throat. Dani ran the tip of her tongue across a dark bruise developing near the hollow of her throat. 

“I can hear you thinking,” she told her. Jamie slowly disconnected their bodies and rolled over to face her. Their faces were close, and they shared a single pillow. It was an intimacy Dani never knew she’d like so very much.

“What did you say to him?” Jamie asked quietly. 

“I told him I was gay. I don’t know if he believed me. I didn’t believe it myself for years.”

“All in your own time,” Jamie assured her. “Some blossoms bloom late.”

Jamie’s face was so soft and kind. Her eyes were sleepy, and her hair rumpled in a way Dani had never seen. Both are laid bare and vulnerable. She’s in bed with this amazing, beautiful person who she hurt so many times.

It’s more than she ever hoped for.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I treated you so badly.”

“It’s- well, it’s not okay. It hurt, but you didn’t want to hurt me. You were hurting too. It’s alright, Dani.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Well, you can find ways to make it up to me.” Jamie rolled over until she straddled Dani’s lap, the sheet falling in a puddle around her waist. Dani’s eyes widened as she took in the perfection above her.

“Let me make it up to you,” she breathed. Her hands drifted along her thighs and up her torso, ghosting along her breasts.

Jamie let out a breathy sigh. There’s no more talking after that.

-🌷-

Dani arrived, much, much later, back at her old home. Confidence straightened her spine, and she felt like a new woman. She wasn’t hiding anymore. She decided to be authentically herself, and it was like an albatross lifted from around her neck.

Eddie sat in the armchair as she entered with a large cardboard box.

Eddie’s eyes were red and swollen beneath his gold-framed glasses. “You’re really leaving?”

“I am. I’ll take some stuff for the week, and then I’ll come back for the rest of it later.”

Eddie stood suddenly. “You don’t have to leave. I can sleep in the guest room. Do you have a place to stay?”

“Yes, I do.” She sighed heavily. “You paid for this house with money from your job. It’s yours, Eddie. I could never afford it on my own.”

She brushed past him and towards her old room. Eddie let out a strangled choking sound. Part of her wanted to ask if they could ever be friends again. To beg for his friendship, even. But it’s too early for that, or too late for them. She wasn’t sure which one.

Eddie wasn’t in the living room anymore when she came back. She closed the front door behind her and ended that chapter in her life. 

There was a lot ahead. She will need a lawyer, and she’ll have to navigate the divorce process. She still needed to make up for her behavior with Jamie, no matter what she said. Dani broke her trust, and she will always regret it.

But there will be more walks in the park and dinners with Owen and Hannah. Double dates all around London where she can hold Jamie’s hand and kiss her whenever she wants. There will be other nights, just the two of them out or together in Jamie’s bed. 

For the first time since Eddie knelt in that restaurant in Ohio months ago with a ring in his hand, Dani felt hopeful. She felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well if you’ve stuck around this long make sure to drop a comment. Also I have a playlist for this fic and I might as well drop it here. There’s just the epilogue left to go!
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6cK209a8hw0nhWi0z4pIzj?si=HGm8TJFETP-geZ2d0VvDTw


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue. Dani + Eddie's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for sticking around this long. I experimented with this chapter a little bit. I've never condensed months into one chapter before, and I hope it works. Let me know what you think!
> 
> PS: I might’ve accidentally given Dani a biting kink

Dani had never done this before. She’s never dated someone she’s romantically interested in and not desperately trying to keep arm’s length away without showing it. Their living situation makes things stranger.

Within a day, Dani went from unhappily married to living above a pub in London and sharing a tiny one-room apartment with Jamie. It’s fast - it’s so fast - but Dani wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t scared like she was when Eddie started making plans for their future when they were only _sixteen._ She’s not a teenager who doesn’t know how to say no to her best friend. She’s a grown woman, and she knows what she wants, and she’s willing to go after it. And what she wants - who she wants - was sharing this space with her.

Jamie gallantly offered her the bed and told her that she would take the couch, but it’s not feasible. They both have jobs and need their rest. Besides, they’re two grown women (who had sex for the first time just yesterday, her mind supplied. Her mind supplied an avalanche of images and wow). They were friends first. And she loves Jamie. They could share a bed and a flat for a bit.

Dani’s week’s worth of clothes sat in a cardboard box on the kitchen countertop, and she set her phone alarm for the next day. The first night, they settled down underneath the sheets in their pajamas. Jamie appeared smaller in her plaid pajamas, which was strange to realize, but true. Jamie was slight, all small, delicate bones and wiry frame, but her swagger made her appear larger than life. Even when naked, she gave off this energy, all focused, tousled seduction, but now she looked soft.

Jamie kept her back close to the wall and lay on her stomach with one arm thrown over her pillow. They fell asleep with their feet touching but nothing else. The next morning Dani woke to find she gravitated towards her in the middle of the night, and Jamie’s backside pressed against her hips.

From then on, they woke up with some part of them touching, from Dani’s hand resting on the warm, soft skin of Jamie’s stomach or Jamie with one leg strewn across hers.

It’s easier and more complicated than she expected.

The flat itself was barely big enough for two people, but Dani was used to living with others. Dani lived with her mother, then with a roommate at Ohio State, and finally Eddie, while Jamie was used to living alone. She was used to her space and having things done her way. She’s not a slob, but it’s an adjustment. Jamie’s refrigerator was a styrofoam temple full of leftovers and microwave dinners, and while Dani wasn’t the world’s greatest cook, she’s better than Jamie.

It turned out Jamie had an aversion to cooking, but was a damn good drink mixer, while Dani somehow couldn’t make tea or coffee but could usually follow a recipe. She cooked, and Jamie cleaned after.

“You’re shit at it anyway,” Jamie smirked.

The next weekend, she cleared out her clothes and the few items she wanted to keep from her old home. Jamie helped her this time, and they loaded things in the truck. Eddie stayed out of the way in the spare room. After their last conversation, he wanted nothing to do with her, and she respected that, but it still hurt. They’ve been friends since forever, and she hates how she hurt him.

They both realized that the flat wasn’t designed with two people in mind. They found an old chest of drawers at an auction and used it as a TV stand and stored Dani’s clothes inside.

They walk a similar route to work every day, and Jamie heads to ‘The Leafling,’ and Dani goes to Bly Academy. Dani returned to ‘The Leafling’ after the day’s end. She graded at the small bistro table set up in the corner near the spider plant while Jamie tended to the customers until it’s time to close, and they walked home together. Or she would head to the flat first or visit Hannah and Owen. But at the end of the day, it’s just her and Jamie.

All the while, Jamie was skittish. She was not skittish in the way she touched her. Jamie came willingly when Dani pulled her over to their bed at night or the shower in the mornings, and Jamie had pressed her against the walls or against the couch many times. But she saw it in her eyes. Jamie was surprised when Dani was waiting for her at the flat or she woke up next to her in the mornings. That brief moment of, _oh, you’re still here._ When Jamie kisses her and touches her, it’s with reverence, like Dani’s liable to vanish in a puff of smoke or like it’s the last time she might have the chance.

It is a week before she corners Jamie in the apartment.

Dani rested both arms on Jamie’s shoulders and linked her hands behind her head. Jamie’s hands rested warmly on her waist.

The physical was easy. Dani has taken to it like a duck to water. It was the thing she dreaded with Eddie but needed with Jamie. She wanted to touch Jamie and to kiss her. She didn’t hide that. It’s not one-sided. But maybe she hadn’t made her intentions clear, and Jamie thought that was all she wanted.

“Would you like to go out?”

“What? Like a date?”

“Yeah. We never got our drink.” Jamie looked a little stunned, and Dani couldn’t have that. “I like you so much,” Dani has been careful not to throw around the l word more than necessary, especially this early. Jamie never said it back, and she didn’t want to pressure her. So she saved them for a rainy day. “And I want to make sure you know I’m in this. I want to date you. And I want to go on dates with you.”

“You mean you’re not just in this for my body?” Jamie teased. But there was cautiousness there.

“I want everything,” she said simply. Jamie swallowed hard, and her fingers dug into her hips that much tighter. “I didn’t know if you knew. You never said anything.”

“Words are hard, Poppins. ‘Sides, I didn’t want to rush things. I didn’t want to rush you.” It was sweet but counterproductive to what Dani wanted.

“How about tomorrow we go out? Dinner and a movie?”

They made reservations for the next night at a nearby bistro. Jamie wore a dark blue dress that brought out the blue-grey tones in her eyes. Dani had never seen Jamie in a dress and the sight was hypnotic. She ran her foot up her leg until she reached her knees and Jamie’s grip on her wine glass turned white. They stumbled back to the flat later in a tangle of limbs. They never make it to the movie theater. They chose to watch a movie together naked in bed, and it’s the best date Dani has ever been on.

The next day Jamie stood in front of the bathroom mirror in just her black bra. “Jesus, Dani. Are you part vampire? Look at this.”

Dani pressed up against her back and looked. Dark red marks the shape of Dani’s mouth bloomed up and down her neck. 

She wore turtlenecks for a week after, but during the day Jamie pressed against the marks with her fingertips, and she wasn’t upset.

-🌷-

Dani promised to herself that she would find her own place. She didn’t want to abuse Jamie’s hospitality, and she didn’t want Jamie to get sick of her. She halfheartedly googled listings nearby, but it was hard with her salary. She extended her search to outside the city and planned a longer commute. It’s not ideal. And moving out was not the first thing on her mind, especially when she curled up with Jamie, bare legs intertwined. She read while Dani lounged, half lulled to sleep by the rain outside. Rain cascaded down the windows, and it was cold outside but warm inside with Jamie.

Christmas drew ever nearer, and Owen and Hannah strung garland and fairy lights on the inside of their flat while Jamie’s remained the same. 

“I usually go by Hannah and Owen’s the day of, since they celebrate,” Jamie explained. “I’ve never been big into the fake garland and stuff.” Her face took on a note of panic. “Are you a big Christmas person?”

“I like Christmas, and I like the decorations. I’m used to decorating, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Nah, we’ll decorate, Poppins, but leave it to me. I’ve got this.”

Jamie returned home from the shop with a miniature tree set on the countertop and decorated with lights and a few small ornaments. She decorated the rest of the flat with leftover poinsettias and handmade wreaths that Jamie grew and sold at the shop. They’re real, and “It’s much better than some fake green stuff,” Jamie explained. Dani bought fake mistletoe to place over the bed, and Jamie didn’t mind that phony decoration.

Her mother facetimed her on December 23rd, supposedly to wish her an early Merry Christmas, but really to express her outrage. Dani hadn’t told her she left Eddie, and she was livid that she had to hear from Judy O’Mara.

Her mother messily piled her dyed blonde hair on top of her head in a bun. The only thing that had changed was her glasses. She wore a new pair of frames: silver with tiny ruby-colored gems. She focused on them while Karen Clayton gave her the third degree. “- and Eddie said you refused to stay at the house and that you took all your things. Where are you even staying, Danielle?”

And there were two ways she could go about it. She could tell her she’s staying with her friend or the truth. And Dani was tired of hiding in a closet of her own creation.

“I’m staying with my girlfriend,” Dani answered.

There was silence. For a second, Dani wondered if the connection froze. 

“Your girl friend?” she asked.

She could hear the distinct separation between the words - a friend who happened to be a girl. It was an out, and Dani didn’t want it.

“No. My girlfriend. I’m- I’m gay.”

The second time was harder than the first. With Eddie, she was too exhausted to care anymore. It was harder with her mom. Her mother’s silence stretched on before she laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She laughed so hard her glasses almost fell down her nose.

She didn’t believe her, and anger roared inside her. “I’m not joking,“ she bit out.

Her mom shook her head. “Danielle, I know marriage is hard-“

“Mom, I am gay. I’ve always been gay. That is never going to change.”

The mirth left her face, and storm clouds gathered on her expression.

“Then why marry Eddie? Why put us through that? Do you have any idea how much that boy loves you? Do you even care how much we spent on the wedding?”

Jamie walked through the door with a bag of takeout and closed it silently behind her. She made a motion with her head, asking wordlessly if Dani needed the room. She shook her head.

“I loved Eddie, but not the way I should have. He was my best friend. But I never should have married him. It wasn’t right, and I’m sorry. I can’t change what happened.” She looked over at Jamie, who flashed her an encouraging smile. “I need to go.”

“Right, to your _girlfriend._ ” Dani despised the way her mother spoke the words. She could hear the derision in her tone. “Maybe Eddie will take you back when you get your head on straight.”

“I’m not confused.” Her mom scoffed. 

There was nothing straight about her. But she knew that would start another fight. And she resented the sentiment that she was confused or unsure. She knew what she wanted. She always had, but she refused to acknowledge it before. 

“Goodbye, mom.”

She hung up the phone. She leaned back against the couch and blew wavy hair off her face. Jamie sat beside her.

“You alright, Poppins?”

“She doesn’t believe me.”

“Give her time,” Jamie assured. She picked up Dani’s hand off her lap and kissed the back. “She might come around. Even if she doesn’t, we both know the truth. You’re gayer than a tennis player.” Dani snorted and a smile crept onto her face.

“And Poppins? I’m glad you’re my girlfriend.”

Dani couldn’t help but kiss her.

Jamie hadn’t said she loved her, but she kissed her back hard, and Dani felt it regardless. She didn’t need the words.

-🌷-

They celebrated Christmas at Owen and Hannah’s flat.

“Did you seriously make a whole goose? Did you kill it in the park this morning?”

“Mother goose sang her last rhyme.”

“Darling, that’s horrible.”

They ate and drank, and Owen dressed up as Santa and covered his mustache in flour, and passed out presents. They returned to Jamie’s flat, which Dani had started to think of as _their_ flat. They drank Owen’s mulled wine on the couch and watched _White Christmas_ on low while Christmas lights reflected outside the windows.

Jamie tucked her head underneath hers.

"You'll laugh, but part of me's wanted to go to Vermont ever since I saw White Christmas when I was a kid.”

“Maybe we can visit someday. If you’re not sick of me,” Dani joked.

“Not sick of you yet, Poppins,” Jamie murmured.

Then there was New Years Eve, and they counted down and kissed as the clock rang out the New Year. The pub below was loud all night long, and Dani pinned Jamie’s hands to the bed and wasn't self-conscious about the noise.

She’d never gone into a new year with such high hopes before.

-🌷-

Eddie left England for New York in January. The divorce went back and forth through their lawyers, but it was amicable. It would take months to finalize, but neither fought the other. Neither wanted anything from the other, and it was a clean break.

Still, Dani cried as she signed the paperwork. It was really over, and even though it was what she wanted, she grieved the unnecessary pain she caused her oldest friend.

On Valentine’s Day, Jamie surprised her with flowers and a surprisingly delicious steak dinner waiting for her at home. Owen came over and helped her prepare it, but she made it herself. She was adamant about it, even as she nervously watched Dani take her first bite.

“Do you like it? Only, if it’s horrible, we can get something else.”

“It’s perfect.” Dani rested her hand on Jamie’s. “You’re perfect.”

Jamie flushed a pretty shade of pink. “I wouldn’t go that far.” Jamie cut her steak and popped a piece into her mouth. Her face showed open surprise. “Well, damn, I need to thank Owen. It’s edible.”

Dani had never cared about the holiday before, but Jamie made her want to want it. They ate dinner and watched a horrible romantic comedy before making out on the couch. Dani whispered her love against Jamie’s neck later that night, and it was the best Valentine’s Day Dani ever had.

The weather warmed as winter thawed into spring, and somehow they got roped into camping with Owen and Hannah.

“Dunno how he got Hannah to agree to this,” Jamie said, throwing their camping supplies into the bed of her truck.

“Owen’s wanted to go for months,” Dani said back. “It’s sweet.”

“The things people do for love.”

They sat in lawn chairs around a campfire, and Dani made them American s’mores while they passed around a bottle of wine. 

“Jesus, this is horrible,” Jamie muttered, even as she took another bite of the half-melted marshmallow monstrosity.

“It’s tradition.”

“That’s the problem with America. The country is so young you think this is a tradition.”

Later they zip two sleeping bags together on top of the air mattress, and Dani bites a mark into Jamie’s shoulder as they try to keep quiet. 

-🌷-

She started looking a bit more seriously at listings now. The apartment was just too small for two people. She tried to find something close enough to work, but also ‘The Leafling.’ Her eyes drifted through internet pictures, and she imagined Jamie’s plants sitting in the windowsills and her boots beside the front door. Apartment hunting would be so much easier with two incomes. 

She doesn’t know how to ask, because what if Jamie didn’t want to live with her? It’s ridiculous. They already live together. But this space was Jamie’s first, and she hasn’t said she loves Dani back, and what if it doesn’t mean the same thing? What if she’s now the one too invested in a relationship?

So she held her tongue and showed Jamie some of the options she found. Jamie shut them down:

“You can’t go there, look, there’s no natural light,” or “that’s far from your job, Poppins, you’d spend forever commuting.”

Dani put it off for another day.

-🌷-

It turned out Easter was a hotbed of activity for florists. Everyone bought flowers—bouquets and arrangements for family and decorations. Dani is off from school and spent her time in the shop with Jamie. She learned how to run the register, and she asked Jamie to show her a few things with the flowers. She became a bit of an assistant for her, and it was a creative outlet she didn’t realize she’d enjoy. 

Dani fiddled with some pink tulips in a vase, and half-noticed Jamie moving a flowering tree into the shop and swung the sign to closed.

“I got something for you.” 

Jamie set a closed flower in a little earthen pot down on the countertop in front of her. It’s small, green, and very delicate—a sprout.

Jamie rested her weight on the countertop.

“What is it?” Dani asked.

Jamie angled her face down with her eyes darting up to meet hers. “It’s a moonflower.”

“They’re really rare, you know?” Dani breathed.

“Yeah.” Jamie took a deep, shuddering breath. She straightened up. “I’ve got a problem, Poppins.”

“Oh, no.”

“I didn’t want to get my hopes up at first. When you said you wanted me and that you loved me. It seemed too good to be true. And now I’ve got a problem because I’m pretty in love with you, turns out. And I don’t want you to leave. Not unless you’ll take me with you.”

It was the first time Jamie said she loved her. She hoped. She read it in the way Jamie cared for her. But there was something special about the words.

Dani’s heart was in her throat, and she couldn’t speak. She reached out for Jamie, who came to her willingly. She sighed a kiss against her lips. Their smiles make kissing difficult, but between the unstoppable smiles are fast pecks. Dani pulled on Jamie’s arm and half-dragged her toward the back room.

-🌷-

They moved into a new flat that wasn’t above a raucous pub. It’s an old building with a nice view of a nearby park. They both chose it, and it was not Dani’s or Jamie’s; it was theirs, and Dani loved it. It’s larger than Jamie’s previous flat, but “I know it’s not as nice as your last place,” Jamie muttered. There’s something self-conscious to the set of her body, and Dani eased the tension with her hands and lips.

It felt more like a home within an hour than the mutual space she existed in with Eddie for almost a year.

They brought a few large pieces of furniture, but Dani went out for the day to buy some more, and Jamie promised to have their brand new Ikea bed assembled when she got home. She crossed the threshold of their room and found the furniture still in pieces. She gesticulated wildly at the mattress, leaning against the wall. 

“You said, ‘I’ll get started on the bed, Dani!’”

Jamie slowly walked her backward until her back was against the mattress.

“Jamie-”

Jamie slid a leg between hers and pressed up against her, breast-to-breast and hip-to-hip.

“I’m sorry, Poppins. Forgive me?”

Dani rolled her eyes, but soon her eyes rolled back for a different reason.

It was impossible to stay angry with Jamie while pinned against a mattress. She forgot about everything, save the press of Jamie against her.

They ended up setting the mattress down directly on the floor that night. Tomorrow they will set it up together. Dani’s got an arm looped around Jamie and can feel her breathing. And there was peace.

-🌷-

-🌷-

Eddie’s brown hair was shorter now. The first thing he did when he moved to New York was to get a haircut. He also splurged on new clothes. It was time for a new city and a new Edmund O’Mara.

The divorce was hard. He went through a sad country music phase and then felt sorry for himself. He spent Christmas in Ohio, and he cried on his mom’s shoulder like a baby.

At first, he expected Dani to come back. It was stupid, but they were ‘Dani and Eddie.’ They were a packaged pair for as long as he could remember. It was codependency, and it took months to accept that they weren’t happy. 

The trouble signs were always there. Even when they dated, Danielle had this look of wide-eyed anxiety at all times. It hadn’t been there when they were kids, and looking back at photos, he could pinpoint when things started to change in Middle School. Upon the onset of puberty, he realized how pretty Danielle was and how she never showed interest in any boys.

He should have known.

Now he was in New York, and she was in London. And he was moving on.

His apartment was a subway ride away from his work in Midtown, and a pleasant walk away from a few nice but affordable restaurants. He made the walk and enjoyed the bite in the spring air as New York traffic pressed in around him.

Eddie fidgeted with his blazer again as his insides clench.

He was scared to date. He only ever had one girlfriend, and he realized now that he was so comfortable around Danielle that he never had to think about this before. He knew Danielle’s hobbies and her favorite foods. It wasn’t hard to plan outings they’d both like. He was really flying blind for the first time, and he’s not sure he’s ready for this.

He still loved Danielle. He’s loved her since he was ten. It was hard just to let that go overnight, even if he knew in his heart it was over.

Still, when Devon from legal says he knew a lawyer he’d hit it off with, he accepted. He only had a name and no face to go along with it. It’s a blind date, and Eddie has never gone into anything blind before. He told the host his name and that he was waiting for his date. 

The restaurant reminded him of the something from _Lady and the Tramp._ There’s a red and white checkerboard tablecloth and shakers of parmesan and red pepper flakes. It’s casual and low pressure. He repeated that to himself. Casual and low pressure. No need to be nervous.

The nerves really started to hit. He began to tap his fingers against the padded edges of his chair, and he took deep breaths. He’s sitting in a casual New York restaurant waiting for-

“Rebecca Jessel?” He stood to greet the woman nervously gazing at him. Her posture relaxes just a bit to know she found the right man.

“Hello. You must be Edmund O’Mara.” The proper British accent threw him from a loop. But he remembered his manners and extended his hand for a firm handshake after he wiped it against his jeans, just in case.

“Eddie, please.” He walked over and pulled out her chair.

“Thank you.”

“You’re from England?” He asked, hurrying back to his chair. He took in his date. Rebecca was beautiful with gorgeous dark skin and wavy black hair, dressed in a yellow blouse and skinny jeans. Eddie tried to fix his hair.

“Yes. I moved here to work as a lawyer in the States. By your accent, I see you’re not from here either?”

“No, I’m originally from Ohio. But I spent a year at our London office. I just moved here in January.”

“What a funny coincidence. I moved here from London almost a year ago today.”

She shined a beaming white smile at him, and he felt more than a little stunned.

For a blind date, it’s a good one. Rebecca was clever and funny. They get through their salads and have just received their main course when the subject of why they’re on a blind date cropped up.

“I’m recently divorced,” he said. “We signed the papers, and it’s going through the system.”

It was still humiliating to think about. Danielle was gay, and now he looked back, he could see the signs as clear as day. Hell, he practically pushed her and Jamie together. Eddie was embarrassed that he was so blind. Some husband he turned out to be. It stung, but Danielle was happy. She’s happier than he’d ever seen her. Not that he’s stalking her or anything, but they’re still Facebook and Instagram friends, and while she rarely posts, he saw one or two tagged posts of her and Jamie. He never had the heart to block her. She hadn’t blocked him either.

But he didn’t want to think about his ex while he was with another woman.

“What brings you to blind dating?” He questioned. He couldn’t imagine that an intelligent, beautiful woman like Rebecca struggled to find suitors.

“I’m also recovering from a relationship gone wrong. It fell apart shortly after we moved here. It was a nightmare from the start really. He was possessive and controlling. I should have seen the signs, but I was stupid. I thought things would change. It just wasn’t healthy.” Rebecca sighed. “Sometimes you want something so much that you ignore everything telling you it’s a bad idea.”

He knew exactly what she meant.

They ate their entrees, and the conversation moved onto lighter things. They both share a love of Jeopardy and reality TV, and soon it’s a comfortable back and forth.

They exchanged numbers and compared schedules, and made plans for another date in three days. Eddie waited by the curb until Rebecca got into the cab. He waved like a dork at her from the sidewalk, and he felt juvenile, but despite everything that happened, he felt hopeful again.

He was ready to begin again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for sticking this out. Make sure to leave a comment even if you've never commented before. I have other stories in the works, so stay tuned.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not English; I live in California, so I apologize for any butchering of Jamie's dialect. I blame the BBC and Harry Potter for any mistakes I made. 
> 
> If you made it this far, then thank you. Make sure to drop a comment below. Or say hello on twitter: @JetpackingPenguin1


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